Page 11 of Close to Falling

“Yeah, so,” I repeat. His eyes go down to my lips, and he gets closer to me. I feel my heart strain to beat faster, but the pills have chilled me out, so it’s just not happening. His breath lightly brushes against my face, and I swallow then close my eyes and wait.

Please kiss me.

But I feel him move away, and I open my eyes. Hurt a little and surely disappointed, I look down the hallway at people coming in.

“Maddie, don’t let me hear about you taking anything else, and don’t let me catch you high like this again. Do you hear me?” he demands, looking at me like we aren’t at a party full of kids doing just that.

“First off, River, you are not my father, and I can do whatever I like, just as you do. You will not tell me what to do. Do you hear me?” I spit back.

He laughs once. “When I find out who’s giving you drugs, I’m going to break their fucking neck. You go right ahead and do whatever you like, B,” he says coldly before he walks away, leaving me standing in the hallway alone.

***

“River wasn’t happy about you taking pills, I gather,” Ellie says.

“You could say that,” I reply. “How about we pick up here tomorrow?” I say after I look at her clock and see that time has gotten away from us.

“Tomorrow sounds good,” Ellie says, and I stand up. “Landon and Frankie are coming to visit you tomorrow, right?” she asks as she stands also.

“Yes,” I say on a smile. I wish someone else was coming, too, but I know that’s not a possibility. Still, it hurts and talking about him all afternoon has done nothing for my mood.

For the first time in a few days, I want something, but I try with everything in me to push it aside.

***

After telling Ellie bye, I make my way to my room. Everyone hangs outside, smoking or in the social room, but I don’t smoke, and I really don’t feel like socializing, so to my room I go. Slipping off my shoes, I grab a book Ellie let me borrow and let my thumb skim through it. I lean in and inhale, letting the smell of paper fill my senses, and then run my hand down the pages. I walk over to my window cushion and climb up. Tucking my feet under me, I start the mystery book, and as my mind starts to drift into another reality, the rain starts to fall outside.

Chapter Six

Baby ducks swim in the big pond that surrounds the property, and the wind blows the tree branches around me. I fell asleep last night dreaming of unsolved crimes and wondering if a detective and a criminal were going to end up sleeping together. Ellie told me she liked mystery novels, but she didn’t mention they were romances also. Leaning down, I tie my dirty shoelaces and stretch my arms out in front of me. It's early morning, and the ground is still wet from the dew. I bring my coffee to my lips and smile as caramel macchiato flavored cream hits my tongue, and I swallow its goodness.

“Good morning.” I turn and see a man several years older than my twenty-one. An unlit smoke between his lips, he's got a gray shirt on with lazy sweatpants and summertime flip-flops.

“Morning,” I reply.

“I’ve seen you around here,” he says,walking closer to me.I want to say a smart-ass comment, because today I'm struggling and I'm not in the mood, but I decide not to. You know, with the whole turning a new leaf thing I’ve got going on.

“Yeah, I’ve been here for a few weeks now,” I respond, and I guess I should ask him how long he has been here,too, so I do.“What about you?” He’s even closer now and asks me if I mind if he has a seat.“Be my guest,” I say, moving over a tad. He pulls a lighter out of the pocket his hand was in and lights the end of his cigarette.

Inhaling and putting the lighter back where it came from, he blows thick smoke out of his nose and mouth as he says, “Been here long enough.” Running a hand through his sleepy bed hair, he rests back on the bench I was sitting alone ononly a few minutes ago.“So, what are you here for?”

“This and that,” I respond. He chuckles and hits his Red again.

“You, too, huh?” he then says. We sit quiet for a while as he finishes his morning smoke, and I finish my coffee. Noticing we aren’t going to feed them, the ducks swim off, and I toss my cup into the trash beside me.

“Name’s David.” He stretches his hand out. I look over at him and see he has some age around his blue eyes, and his arms are covered in colorful ink.

“Maddie B,” I respond, putting my hand in his and giving it a firm shake, because Frankie saysthere ain’t nothing worse than a weak handshake.

“You like to be called Maddie or B?” he asks.

“Either or,” I respond,looking back at his arms.“You have a lot of tattoos,David.”He looks down at his arms and then puts his cigarette out.

“Yeah,” he agrees.

“Do they all mean something, or were they just spur-of-the-moment?” I ask.

“Most of them have meanings. Some were drunk spur-of-the-moments.” He kinda laughs, but it's a sad laugh, filled with regret and wishes of do-overs. “This one was for the first time I got clean.” He points to the tattoo on his neck. It reads,"Being free doesn’t always mean being free."

---