Page 97 of Once a Killer

She jumped at the sound of his voice and spun around to face him. “Jameson. I didn’t hear you get out of bed.”

“Would you have shoved that duffel bag under your bed if you had? Pretend you weren’t getting ready to leave?”

She sighed and sank onto the bed. “I can’t stay with you,” she said. “Larrimore and Kingsley are after me, and as long as I’m with you, you’re a target, too. I don’t want you to be collateral damage. I couldn’t bear it if you were hurt or killed because of me.”

“Don’t give me that crap, Bree,” he said, his voice more harsh than he’d intended. “You managed to protect me from the people who shot up the Monster, and I’m confident you could continue to keep me safe. But you’re not really worried about me, are you?You’rethe one who doesn’t want to take any chances. You’re protecting herself.

“You know what I want, and you’re running away because that scares you.”

“Why don’t you tell me what you want, Jameson?” she said. “What do you think I’m so scared of?”

He stared at her for a long moment. He wanted to let it all out -- tell her he loved her. That he wanted her to stay. That he wasn’t afraid of the people who were after her, because he knew she’d keep him safe.

But he didn’t want to use his feelings as a weapon against her. Still, seeing her there, her duffel bag packed and ready to go, pissed him off.

Hurt him, in a way he’d never let anyone hurt him before.

“I love you, Bree,” he said, his voice harsh. About as far from loving as he could get. “And I think you love me, too. But you don’t want to love me. You don’t want to take any chances with your heart.”

“Me staying here is dangerous for you,” she said, her voice thin. Ragged. “I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“That’s bullshit, Bree, and you know it. This is all about you.”

“I’m trying to do the right thing, Jameson,” she said, frowning at him as if it should be obvious. The only thing that was obvious was that she was scared. And running because of it. “You deserve someone without all my baggage. All my issues. You deserve to be with someone you don’t have to becarefulwith.”

“Why don’t you let me decide what Ideserve,Bree? What Ineed? Because I know what I want. I want you. In my life. Forever.”

“How can you even say that?” she asked, and even to her own ears, her voice sounded weak. Thready. As if she were reaching for straws. “You barely know me. I’ve been here with you for, what? A couple of weeks? Not nearly long enough for you to make decisions that will have repercussions for the rest of your life.”

“You’re telling me I don’t know what I want? Really, Bree?” He wanted to shake her. Make her listen to herself. Realize what she was doing.

She’d wrapped her arms around her waist. “I’m saying you’re not thinking clearly.”

“How insulting.” He held her gaze until she looked away. Finally he said, “I’m thinking clearly for the first time in a long time. For the past ten or more years, I’ve been focused on my program. Getting it right. Finishing it. And I can see the finish line in front of me. And you know what? For the first time since I started writing this program, it’s not important.You’rewhat’s important to me, Bree. And if that scares you, so be it.”

He gestured at the duffel bag lying open on the floor. “Go ahead and finish packing,” he said. “If you’d rather protect your heart than take a chance on what we could have together, run back to Montana. I can’t force you to love me or stay with me. I love you. I want you, but I can’t force you to take a chance on us. If you get your head out of your ass, you know where I live.” He turned around and went back into his room. Closed the door so he wouldn’t hear her leave.

Fifteen minutes later, he heard the front door open. Close quietly. He wanted to run to the living room. Watch her leave.

But he couldn’t force himself to do it.

She’d made her choice, and it hadn’t been him. Watching her walk away would only make the pain worse.

Chapter 34

Four weeks later, Bree dropped the hand grip of the rowing machine back into its holder and arched her back. Shemighthave overdone her reps on the Concept 1 this morning. Just like shemighthave overdone her reps on the shoulder press machine yesterday.

“Giving up already, Gordon?” Diego Lopez grinned at her from the elliptical machine. “Wimp. Living with Jameson Ford clearly made you go soft.”

“Stuff it, Lopez,” she growled at her friend. “Or do youwantme to kick your ass?”

Diego wiggled his fingers at her. “Bring it, Gordon,” he said. “I’ll take you apart before you get one strike on me.”

“In your dreams, Lopez,” she shot back. “You know I can make you cry.”

“Only by making me witness the moves that went to shit while you lived with the rich guy.”

Bree drew in a shuddering breath. Diego probablycouldtake her down. Her moves and her timing had been… off. Out of sync since she’d been back in Montana. Because instead of focusing on training, she’d been wallowing in her regrets about running away from Jameson.

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