“What?” Tristan’s anger is suffocating.

“It’s why I was betrothed.”

“My horse is injured. Took an arrow,” Liam calls to Father. “I need to attend to him in the barn first.”

I skip ahead, to the heart of what Tristan needs to know.

“Farron’s not dead,” Liam says.

“What?” I spin to look at the body—the man—strapped belly-down on the horse.

Liam hurries over and works the rope holding Farron in place. Red-black blood slicks down Hemlock’s rump.

Liam shoves a hand through his hair. “I—I couldn’t do it. Your brother knocked Farron off his horse and handed me the knife, but I froze.SoPercy stabbed him, then left me with the body. But Farron’s still alive. Or at least he was the last time I checked.”

“Untie him.” I throw down my medical bag and push up my sleeves. “Help me get him off the horse.”

Hope lights inside Tristan, and I realize I’ve led him to believe this might not end badly. But his optimism doesn’t last long. He makes a choking sound as he hears my thoughts, my frustration, at having no real way to help Farron. He watches in pain as I slip thepoppy extract under his father’s tongue to ease his suffering, in a final act of mercy.

He feels his father’s hand in mine as Farron passes away.

Tears stream down my face as I experience this again, but now through the lens of knowing Farron was an innocent man. Oh, how I wish I could have done more.

Abruptly, Tristan steps back, releasing me. “I—I have to go.” He can’t look at me.

Weakness enters my body. A helplessness. It’s more than grief I feel from him. He’s confused. Angry. I even sense disgust—at me, no doubt. And I don’t blame him. Not only did my father order the killing, but I allowed myself to be the reward. I’m more than complicit, even if I tried to ease Farron’s pain in the end.

Tristan disappears around the corner of the house, and a chill immediately enters the air. Wrapping myself tighter in the blanket, I take a seat on the couch.

For long minutes, I practice another apology, then give up. I don’t know what to say or how to make this better. What if it’s not possible to mend a relationship with someone who’s helped cause the most painful moment of your life?

23

It’s dusk when I look out at Tristan’s horse barn only a couple hundred feet away. Is Annette waiting there, ready to help me make my grand escape?

She’s probably watching me sit on this yellow couch.

The nerves from everything, but especially hoping for Tristan to return, make me restless. After shifting my stiff legs, which ache from hours of sitting, I stand. Maybe I should go talk to Annette. I could explain.

A laugh nearly leaks out of me. Explain what? That I changed my mind? I’m staying, and she can’t have Tristan anymore?

No, better to keep my distance from her, especially considering her threats. I’m not sure how she plans to make mewish for deathnow that I’m not leaving with her tonight, but what’s the worst she could do? Even if Tristan can’t find it in his heart to forgive me, I doubt he’d let her hurt me. Also, Annette’s not the only one who holds power. I can still show Tristan the memory of her threatening me. It could damage the last threads of their friendship.

She’s just going to have to get used to me sticking around.

I’m shocked at how right staying here feels. Especially when hours ago, I would have staked my life on what I thought I knew about the clans and the best way to keep them safe. Now I know differently: the clans’ tormentors are not from Kingsland. By staying here and not uniting the clans against a false enemy, I’m saving people’s lives.

And that’s hardly the only benefit. I think of the women here and how they’re not held back from anything. They can join the elite guard if they’re a good enough soldier or run a hospital, like Enola. Stars, even Caro tells Dr. Henshaw what to do.

For me, this means an opportunity to study under a surgeon, which will make me a more effective healer. Perhaps one day I could return to the clans and bring this much needed knowledge to help them.

I also get to choose who I marry.

My lips part as my face lifts to the sky. I’vealreadychosen.I’m married.I’ve never thought of my union to Tristan as a real marriage, but that’s entirely my fault. I could change that—if he’d let me.

If my confession about his father hasn’t ruined everything between us before it’s had a chance to start.

Through sleepy eyes, I see a figure looming over me, then move to grasp my arm.