Page 93 of Follow Your Bliss

I waited, but that was all he said. One singular personal pronoun.

My stomach dropped. The man I thought I was falling in love with looked between his mother and me and took a step toward her as she went for her purse.

He ran a hand through his hair as his mom walked out the door. “Did you have to be half-naked playing with your tarot cards in the living room?”

And then he followed his mom out of the church, calling for her.

The door shut. For a moment, I stood staring at it, my heart in freefall.

“I don’t meananythingto you, do I?” I asked his quiet house.

I looked down, flipped over the card. The Tower.

Figures.

My tears fell on my cards as I gathered them and shoved them back into their box. I doused the smoking bundle of herbs in its shell on my way upstairs. I siphoned all my emotions into an imaginary box in my heart and locked it.

After ordering an Uber, I calmly threw three changes of clothes into my bag. I changed my shirt, throwing Jason’s tank top onto his bed where we’d made love so many times. Threw on some shorts. Laced up my tennis shoes without socks. Swept down the stairs and shoved my iPad and charger into my backpack. And his mom’s handkerchief. I still had to deal with that.

I packed up my sewing machine, hurriedly wrapping its cords and sticking it into its hard plastic case.

As I walked toward the parking lot, Jason stood talking through the open window of my Uber driver. I checked the license plate against my app.

Jason’s expression grew panicked as his eyes fell on everything I was carrying. “Where are you going?”

“Home. Where I should never have left.” I murmured a hello to the woman who nodded at me, clearly trying to stay out of this drama, and started putting my things in the back.

“Baby, this is your home, with me,” he said softly.

The broken tone of his voice made tears fall down my face. “If I can’t do what I want in my home, then it’s not really home for me, is it?”

“Rose—”

“If you really loved me, you would’ve told her.”

“Baby—”

But I wouldn’t let him speak. “I love that you love your mom. I wouldneverhave come between you. But you chose her anyway.” I got in and shut the door.

“I didn’t—I wasn’t trying to.” He put his hands on the car, talking through the closed window. “Please don’t leave. Can’t we talk about this?”

“No. You want to please Big Daddy StudFinders and your mom? Fine. You do you. Because you sure as hell won’t be doing me. I’ll send somebody back for all my shit.” To the driver, I said, “You can leave.”

He called my name as we pulled away, but I didn’t turn to look at him once. I pulled out my phone and texted him with trembling fingers.

Jason

The silence of the church was deafening. Burning herbs hung in the air. My hands were shaking. What the fuck just happened?

I sat heavily onto the pew by the door. Rose’s tea was still on the coffee table, as if she’d walked away just for a moment.

But that look on her face. She wasn’t coming back.

When the tears came, my elbows were on my knees and my head was in my hands. I did this to myself, like all the worst things in my life.

With Kasey, I chose whatshewanted over what I wanted. With Rose, I chose whatMomwanted over what I wanted. What fucking StudFinders wanted, over what I wanted. I’d acted so evolved over the last two years. But treating Rose like that was the opposite of how I wanted to live.

I pulled out my phone and texted her, ignoring her formal notice to leave the apartment.

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