Page 43 of Follow Your Bliss

The Bag

Jason

“Only nine hours for a five-hour drive. Not bad, right?” I opened the door and brought the pack of water bottles straight to the refrigerator while Rose followed me in with her backpack and our fast-food haul.

“It could’ve been worse. Bathroom?”

“There’s a half-bath right here.” I pointed to the room on the left. “And a full bath in the bedroom.”

She flipped on the light to the half bath off the living area, and I went back to the car for our bags, bringing hers into the bedroom. The lavender air fresheners had run out a long time ago. I opened the patio door to let some fresh air through the screens and pulled the plastic off the sofa bed. Mom was fastidious when she packed the condo up every season.

After dinner, I pulled the bedding from the vacuum bags Mom had everything stored in and threw a few pillows and sheets on the sofa for me. Rose was curled up there watching the news, but I was ready to go to sleep. I dug into my bag—where was my toothpaste? Oh, that’s right. I ran out this morning and was supposed to get more today. I rifled through all the drawers and cabinets in both bathrooms. No luck.

I popped my head back out into the living room, and she looked up from her phone. “It made landfall in Grand Isle.”

“That sucks. Those poor people get it so bad every time. Hey, can I borrow your toothpaste? I forgot I’m out.”

“Sure. It’s in the front pocket of my bag.”

I sat her bag on the bed. Square angles jutted everywhere underneath the duffle’s thick fabric. What did she have in here? I checked both sides—no front pocket. Maybe she meant the inside front pocket? I unzipped the bag. It was full of…boxes. Through the clear plastic of the top one jutted the unmistakable column of a glittery pink dildo. I tried to hold my composure, but then I saw its name: The Cosmic Dick of Glory.

I laughed nervously to myself. What the fuck?

Transfixed, and more than a little aroused, I took the Cosmic Dick and other boxes from the bag—furry black handcuffs, an inflatable pillow whose box was covered with genderless stick figures having sex in more positions than I understood. A long purple vibrator dubbed the Velvet Plum Marvel with some kind of piece sticking out the side, something that looked like a ring—a cock ring, according to the box. A bunch of other things I couldn’t name but was pretty sure were also sex toys.

“Hey Jason, do you wanna watch a movie?”

Shit. My face heated up as it dawned on me—I took the wrong bag. Her mom had something to do with this, for sure. Maybe these were the ones the movers were meant to have?

I shoved the boxes back inside the bag and zipped it up halfway, but then stopped. Rose was cool. She’d understand, right?

I pulled the Velvet Plum Marvel vibrator and the Cosmic Dick boxes back out. Struggling to keep a straight face, I walked into the living room with one in either hand.

“Um, Rose? I’m no expert, but I don’t think anything in that bag is toothpaste.”

She looked up, and all the color drained from her face. She crossed the room like a panther and snatched them from my hands.

“Oh my God! How? I told you to grab the purple bag!” She pushed past me into the bedroom.

All of my amusement evaporated. “That was the purple bag! The only other one was gray.”

“No, Y chromosome, this is maroon. The other one was lavender—purple.” She shoved the items back in and zipped the bag up, burying her face in her hands.

“Rose, I’m—I’m so sorry. I grabbed the bag I thought you asked for. I mean it felt heavier thanmybag, but I just figured you had…girl stuff in there.”

“Girl stuff?” Her voice rose an octave.

My face was hot. “Curling irons? Straightening…things? Aren’t those also irons? I don’t know.”

She sat primly at the edge of the bed and put her face in her hands. “No clothes, no toiletries, no underwear. But we could have all the freaky sex we wanted.” Her voice was small. “And I didn’t even want to evacuate.”

My dick rudely perked up in the middle of that sentence. “I’m so sorry, but I still think we made the right choice leaving.” I sighed at my own stupidity. “There’s gotta be a 24-hour store somewhere nearby. Text me what you need, and I’ll go get it right now.” I grabbed my sneakers and sat beside her, slipped one on, tying it.

She put her hand on my arm. “No, it’s fine. You drove all day, and it’s so late. I’ll get what I need in the morning.”

I bumped her shoulder. “I’m really, really sorry. And hey.” I tugged on her sleeve. “You have a clean Deck Daddy shirt, at least.”

She managed to smile. “True.”

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