Page 33 of Follow Your Bliss

“And your family’s not excited about this?”

“Nah, it’s only more material to make fun of me with. But that kinda money will let me finish my house.”

She frowned, studying me. “Of course you love your family, and you want them to be proud of you. But you’re allowed to make decisions that are right for you that they may not understand or approve of.”

Her gentle words echoed what my therapist had always told me. Easy to say, easy to agree with, in theory. Almost impossible for me to do in practice.

She looked back at her phone. “They have a great mission. Responsible sourcing. Excellent reviews. Wouldyoube embarrassed to be associated with them?”

Her question hung in the air for a few minutes. “No. I don’t think I would.”

She smiled softly at me. “Then there you go.”

I smiled but kept my eyes on the road. If someone had told me a few weeks ago that I’d have to spend all this time with Rose Guidry from middle school in a car, I’d have been dreading it. But now that I knew her, I loved being with her. Like, a lot.

I risked another glance at her.

Like, so much more than I should.

We started cruising in what hopefully wouldn’t be our only pocket of quick-moving traffic. The image of her lying in bed last night kept popping up in my head, her shapely legs bare, her hair mussed from making love to herself. In my shorts, it was dancing at the prom with her all over again. I had to get a hold of myself, or this would be a rough trip.

“I know what might help.” She dug in her backpack and pulled out a small velvet bag with a drawstring, and from the bag, a deck of colorful cards.

“Are those tarot cards?” I’d never seen any in person, unless you count the ones behind the counter at the bookstore.

“Goddess oracle cards.” She shuffled through them, looking at one at a time. “One of my NYC roommates gave them to me as a going-away gift, and I haven’t had a chance to look at them.” She shifted toward me again, tucking her bare foot under her other leg. “Can I do a reading for you?”

Mom would about die if she saw those, and her ghost would come back to haunt me if she knew I was engaging with them willingly. “Um…are you going to…tell my future or something?”

“No, I use them for new ways of thinking about things.” She shuffled the cards some more, then chose three off the top of the deck, laying them face-down on the dash. “Maybe they can give you some perspective about the sponsorship and your family. I pulled you awhat you want,obstacles,how to overcomespread.” She turned over the first card. “For what you want, I pulled the Egyptian cat goddess, Bast, who represents pleasure.” She flipped through a booklet about the size of the cards. “I’m still learning this deck…but what youwantis…pleasure. All kinds. Daily, simple pleasures, self-care,sexualpleasure…”

The way she emphasized the last one wasn’t helping my situation. I needed to stop thinking about her like this.

But the card hit home. “That’s a little…scary?”

She raised her eyebrows at me. “Because of your celibacy?”

“No, because I’ve spent the past two years trying to get past all that awfulness with Kasey. Learning to take care of myself again. And I’ve taken on a kind of mantra. God, I know this is gonna sound so cheesy, especially coming from Deck Daddy.”

She looked very seriously at me. “Deck Daddy isn’t cheesy. What’s your mantra?”

I breathed easier. She was the first person to see it that way. “It’s ‘follow your bliss.’ Because I’ve never really done that before. I followed my anxiety, I followed my girlfriend—ex-girlfriend. But I never did what mademehappy until I came back home and re-evaluated. And now…”

She smiled. “And now you’re building the life you want.”

“Yeah. I’m finally trying to make a happy life for myself.”

“I think that’s awesome.” She turned over the second card. “So let’s see what’s your obstacle to all that pleasure and bliss. It’s Ala, the Ibo goddess of morality and fertility.” She grimaced, her eyes teasing. “I didn’t think Deck Daddy had any loose morals.”

“Not me, of course,” I said.

“But I can see how this could relate to Big Dick Tools.” She flipped through the booklet, found her page. “So, your obstacles are…making sure you’re acting with integrity. Or maybe even struggling with other people’s ideas of what your integrity should be, what they see as acceptable, and not feeling like you need to compromise what you believe…while also respecting their opinions.”

“Ha!” I barked. “Does that card have my mom’s picture on it?”

She looked at the card thoughtfully. “I don’t know. Is your mom a stunningly beautiful Nigerian woman sitting on a crescent moon throne with her tits out?”

“Not last I checked.” How did she pull a card that summarized exactly what I was struggling with?St. Dorothy, where are we at on a sign? Is this it? Because I don’t get it.

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