Page 94 of Follow Your Bliss

She may not even be going to her mom’s. Shit. I’d be screwed if she went to a friend’s house. I’d never find her.

Who was I kidding? The way she left, the way she looked at me—she didn’t want me to follow her.

Minutes went by, and I couldn’t even tell if she’d seen my text.

Hard knocking on the front door.

“Rose?” I dashed to the door and threw it open.

Becca stood on my front porch, arms akimbo. “What in the holy hell is happening? Mom just called, yelling something about you lying and Rose in her panties?” She opened her mouth to say more but stopped, leaned in closer. “Jason, are you crying? Are you okay?”

I roughly wiped my face and stood back, gesturing her inside.

Only a few steps in, she turned to me and put her hand on my arm. “Jason, you’ve done so much since the last time I was here!” She pulled me toward the couch. “I want to see everything, but first, talk to me.”

I took a big breath. “Rose and I have been together since we evacuated.”

She smiled and raised her eyebrows. “Togethertogether? And be honest, because if you meanlike a coupletogether, Lily owes me fifty bucks.”

I nodded. “Rose is my girlfriend. Was—shewasmy girlfriend.” After my last break-up, I mostly felt numb. But by the time I finished telling Becca the highlights from the moment Rose and I kissed to the moment she walked out, my chest hurt so badly I could barely breathe.

“And you didn’t tell anybody because of the StudFinders people?”

I rubbed my eyes with the heels of my hands. “And because I was afraid of how Mom would take it.”

“I know.” She sighed and rolled her eyes. “She’s ridiculous about them for some reason. I think she’s never forgiven Ms. Dahlia for giving me a vibrator when I turned eighteen, and it’s extended to Lily and Rose.”

I shook my head and grabbed her arm. “Stop there and don’t elaborate. It’s not Ms. Dahlia’s fault, it’s mine. Mom’s disapproved of everything in my life since I came back home. She’s been pressuring me to date a woman she approves of, like fucking Misty, and completely ignoring me when I tell her no. And Misty literally propositioned me after I told her I wasn’t interested.”

“Wait, what did she do?”

I shrugged with my whole upper body. “She’s obsessed with offering me blow jobs, for some reason. And no matter how many times I tell her to fuck off, she won’t stop. And Mom doesn’t believe me.” I pulled my phone out and showed Becca the conversation.

Her jaw dropped as she scrolled through it. “That bitch is out of the wedding. I didn’t want her in it in the first place. That was all Mom.” She handed me back my phone.

“I’m so fucking done with her.” I took screenshots of Misty’s latest propositions and sent them to Mom. “There. Now Mom’ll have to believe me.” I set my phone aside and put my head in my hands. “But none of that matters. I fucked up. I hurt Rose so badly, she’s never coming back.” My voice was consumed by my crying, and Becca hugged me close.

“Jason, my heart’s broken that you’re so sad. You really love her, don’t you?”

“I love her, and I love Mom, and I can’t make anybody happy.”

She squeezed me tight then released me, wiping my tears and smoothing down my hair. “It’s so weird to see you all grown up, crying over a woman when I remember you crying over a Superman action figure you lost. Mom must feel that even more than I do. She always says that having a baby is like having a piece of your heart walking around outside your body. It can make her a little extreme.”

“But I did this to her. I hurt her so badly when I left, and I don’t think I can ever make up for it. Kasey—”

“Kasey wasn’t the whole problem, and neither were you. I’m not trying to downplay what you went through, or what Mom went through missing you. But I was there from the beginning of that whole thing. Mom basically gave you two choices: break up with Kasey or leave with her and try to find some peace and happiness.” She shrugged. “None of us hated her at first. But then we all started noticing how you always deferred to her in everything. Your whole personality changed from the lovable, happy goofball we’ve always known to this somber man who always looked distracted and miserable.

“That’s when she started laying into her. The religion stuff was just a scapegoat and what Mom turned to when she was sick with worry, missing you. We were all worried about you. Even Alex expressed concerned emotions and not just jokes, if you can believe that.”

A corner of my mouth quirked up.

“My point is that Mom was at fault too. She didn’t give you a minute’s peace when you were already under enough stress with Kasey. And I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you more. I was so wrapped up in getting that new pharmacy started, and Brad was trying to establish his law practice. It’s no excuse, but sometimes you don’t realize something’s a huge problem until it goes critical.”

“I wish I’d never left with Kasey. I wish I never even met her. But you’re right, I didn’t feel like I had a choice. With her always in one ear, and Mom always in the other—and I thought I loved her. I thought Kasey was my future.”

“You did what you thought you had to do. I know. And it sucked. But you don’t have to atone forever. You have to let Mom take responsibility for her part in it too, or she’ll never learn how to talk things out reasonably. You can’t be under her thumb forever. That’s no way to live.”

“Gah,under her thumb. That’s what Kasey used to say about Mom. When Rose said it to me the other day it made me want to shed my skin.”

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