Page 88 of Follow Your Bliss

She patted my arm before returning her hand to her sewing machine. “You figured right. And you sprang for Lalumandier roses.”

“You’re worth more than fields of them,” I murmured, kissing down her neck.

“Pretty sure your mom wouldn’t agree.”

I completely deflated. “Rose—”

“Make sure you hide them before she comes back over.”

I pulled up a stool to sit close to her. “Can we talk about it?”

She sighed, setting her things down and finally meeting my eyes. “You don’t have to explain yourself to me, really.”

“But I want to. You’re important to me.”

She rolled her eyes, but I took her hands in mine, rubbing her fingers. “You are! She can be such a chore, I know. But she’s my mom. You have to understand how badly I hurt her when I left.”

Rose closed her eyes and looked down, bit her lips.

“I barely talked to her for nearly two years. I was almost a different person. I promised her I’d never do that to her again, but it’s made her insecure. I made her insecure, and I’m still trying to make up for it.”

“I understand that, I do. And I would never, ever suggest that you hurt your mother. And I don’t want to cause distance between you. That being said, I think your pendulum has swung too far in the opposite direction. Because what you’ve made her is certain that she can run your life and pick your wife.”

“She doesn’t really think that.”

“Beg to differ. She’s always disparaging your job, and now she’s pushing Fellatio Misty at you and not believing you about her? Loving your mom and not hurting her doesn’t mean never standing up for yourself. You’re a different person around her than you are around me.”

“Am I?”

“Yeah. You told me you don’t enjoy going to church anymore, but she talks you into it, so you go for show. You’re so quick to passionately talk about what you believe, unless she’s in the room. She brings someone who has repeatedly verbally, if not physically, assaulted you into your house, and you shut down and beg me to be nice. Well, I did my best. But it’s disrespectful of her to keep shoving Misty at you when you’ve told her to stop. And you just smile and nod, redirect her, or play along. You deserve to do better for yourself than that.”

“Rose, she’s my mom. What do you want me to do?”

“Be your own person. Disappoint your mother and let her see that you still love her, but she can survive it. Or she’ll expect you to live under her thumb for the rest of your life.”

A wall shot up around my heart hearing Kasey’s words come out of Rose’s mouth.

I pulled my hands away and stood up. I’d been through a lot. I needed her to be patient with me, not tell me what to do. “Have you had dinner?”

Her eyes widened. “Not yet.”

“I’ll go make something.” I stood and walked away. Maybe we both needed some space.

“Fergalicious” started playing from Rose’s phone. “Wait,” she called. “Heather says her dad had someone cancel, and the crane’s already nearby. He can have it here in a half-hour. Is that cool?”

“Yeah. Tell her thank you.” At least one thing’s going my way today. “Eat without me if you get hungry.” I turned to leave.

“My mom and Lily are coming over to help me with the dresses later. Is that okay?”

“Of course it’s okay.” My voice sounded aggravated. I cleared my throat and tried again. “You live here too. You don’t have to ask.”

She nodded. “Thank you.”

As I walked toward the makeshift kitchen for a snack to hold me over, my heart sunk so low I practically kicked it across the community room. I royally fucked up. I fell in love with someone my mom didn’t approve of, and I was apparently too much of a coward to face her. It was Kasey all over again, except that Rose wasn’t trying to come between us, and Rose—

I froze with my hand on the fridge door handle. Was it that different? Kasey had never loved me. The thought left me desolate. I kept thinking she’d just fallen out of love, or we weren’t as compatible as I thought we were in the beginning. But no. She hadn’t loved me. Not really.

Was I holding back on telling Mom about us because I was afraid that Mom wouldn’t accept her, or because I was afraid that Rose would never love me?

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