Page 8 of Hollow Heart

“Keep ‘em coming, buddy,” I say through a belch, as hands pull at my shirt and jeans.

I don’t know who they belong to, nor do I care.

“Smile!” she coos, flashing her camera at me.

I smolder into the camera, grinning with my platinum-selling smirk.

“Make sure you get my good side, baby.” I laugh as the bartender hands me another drink.

I’ve lost track of how many I’ve had, but it’s not enough.

It’s never enough to drown out the voices in my head.

You piece of shit, no wonder he left you.

I move away from the bar, feeling uncharacteristically depressed despite being the center of attention. Bodies slam against me, hands squeezing and roving over my sweaty shirt, pulling at my belt.

Most of them are women, which doesn’t really do it for me, but given the fact that I’ve had a shit day, I’m almost drunk enough toconsiderthe idea of ruining someone’s pretty makeup.

The label would just love it, too, wouldn’t they? Probably slap me on the back if some pops caught me with my dick down a bitch’s throat instead of a guy’s.

Jinger pulls at my arm, trying to sequester me into a selfie, when I see him.

Sully.

Kissing some glitter-fied bitch who’s got her hand in his pants.

I know I shouldn’t say anything. I should just bury all my thoughts, my memories, but I can’t.

I can’t fucking think straight.

Because I’mnotstraight, no matter what the label tries to say.

Memories erupt like ballistic volcanoes inside my brain.

Sully with his hand around my throat. Fucking me over the amp on the side of the stage.

Sully’s hands in my hair as he shoves his dick down my throat on the tour bus.

Sully calling me to come over after he broke up with Jinger.

After he broke up with Petra, Amanda, and Veronica.

The cameras flashing as he held them on the red carpet, as I drank myself into solace.

Just once I wanted someone to hold me the way he held them.

I don’t even know how I got here, standing in front of him, but he doesn’t even see me.

She’s all over him, his hands sliding up her skirt.

I think I’m going to be sick.

All I want to do is crawl into a hole and disappear.

I can’t even fucking go out for some goddamn drinks without him taunting me.

How the fuck am I supposed to just forget him?

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