Page 49 of Hollow Heart

Most would think it’s awkward that we don’t talk much anymore, but after that night, afterLoose Canon, everything changed.

I changed.

I saw the path my friend was on, the path I’d helped pave, and I knew I didn’t want that life.

Not for him, not for me.

And certainly not for Marci.

As if he can sense my turmoil, Lou sets his hand on my shoulder. “It wasn’t your fault,” he says softly.

My throat constricts and I find it hard to breathe as I focus my gaze on Felix.

On his bright eyes, his glittering lip ring.

But it’s not his looks that soothe my soul.

It’s his voice.

Felix Heart is a complex man. His words from moments ago echo in my brain, about music, about pain.

He closes his eyes as he sings, as he digs deep into his soul, channeling the pain that he buries and laying his heart bare for the audience.

Felix is no stranger to loss, to pain.

As he sings about wanting to be a shark, but being weak, I think about all the times I cried, all the arguments I shouldered alone.

Trying to save Issax from himself.

About all the friends I’ve lost to the venom of stardom.

Felix sings his haunting melodies, his raspy voice a plea for understanding, for acceptance.

That’s when I realize that beneath the attitude, the alcohol, and the hotness, he’s no different than me.

Trying to make sense of the world around him the only way he knows how.

Through his music.

I start to wonder, what happened to him, what or who hurt him.

Because the way he sings about drowning in the Black Sea, the haunting lyrics, and the way his entire body clutches to the microphone, the way he closes his eyes as he sings...

I have a feeling that Felix Heart has been fighting demons no one knows about, for a while.

And the drinking, the outbursts... he’s just trying to quiet them, to fill the void that’s been left in his heart, his soul.

I know, because I did the same thing. WhenHollow Pointebroke up.

When Issax wouldn’t return my calls.

When Marci died.

You’re not alone, Felix.

“Yeah, well, I guess if you can handle Issax Perregrine, you can handle just about anyone.” I say the words half-heartedly, and though my words are sarcastic, the tension in the air is thick.

Lou looks at me with silent understanding, and I know the walk down memory lane is over.

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