Page 75 of Hollow Heart

Bobby blushes, and I know without his admission the answer is yes.

“Um... I mean... not really... but... sort of.”

I take a bite of a mouthful of noodles. My God, if this kid doesn’t end up in a culinary career, he will make one hell of a husband.

“Sort of? Last I checked relationships were pretty much you’re either in or you’re not.”

Again Felix’s words filter through my brain, along with the memory of his fingers grabbing my hips.

I shove the thought away.

“Unless....” I twist my lips. “This person doesn’tknowyou like them.”

Bobby sighs, as he takes another bite of his dinner.

“It’s complicated.”

“For the record, if you can punch that asshole Callahan and come out to me over a plate of the best mac and cheese I’ve ever had, I’m pretty sure you can handle anything.”

Bobby smiles. “Thanks, Dad.”

I nod in response as we eat the rest of our dinner.

After cleaningup and making sure I’m giving my kid enough space, I retire to my studio cave.

Though, I was able to channel my best face for my kid and focus on him and his needs—which included a hug and a reminder that our home is the safest place for him to behonestwith himself and with me—I knew, eventually, I’d have to deal with my own dishonesty.

I couldn’t help but think about Bobby’s words when I’d asked how he knew he was gay.

I asked, because I was curious how he’d come to this determination on his own, not because I didn’t believe him.

But as I asked the question, and as he answered, ‘How do you know you’re straight?’ I found myself feeling like the world had just exploded in front of my very eyes.

Because I couldn’t say with one hundred percent certainly that I am straight.

But I couldn’t remember everwantingIssax to touch me the way Felix did.

After Issax went to rehab, Marci and I both decided to put an end to bringing anyone else into our lives. We wanted to give the white picket fence thing a real shot.

Then Marci got pregnant, and suddenly, nothing else really mattered.

All we needed was each other, and our kid. She was happy. I was happy.

After she died, I couldn’t fathom wanting anyone else. Not even Issax.

The hole she left was far too big for anyone to fill, and I had a six year old to take care of.

I couldn’t afford to be selfish, and I didn’t think finding another wife was the answer, no matter how many people told me I needed to find Bobby a “new mom.”

As if anyone could replace the perfect one who gave birth to him and raised him.

Of course, I was lonely, but I wasn’talone.I had family, friends from the neighborhood. I had Bobby.

As far as I was concerned, I didn’t need to date anyone, and sex...

Sure, I missed it, but I couldn’t picture myself sinking my cock into another woman who wasn’t my wife. I still can’t.

But the moment Felixtouchedme, squeezing my damn cock in the studio dressing room...

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