Page 81 of Up All Night

My shoulders slumped. “Go ahead and gloat.”

She did another little dance, and it had me thinking that maybe I should throw the game just to see her excited victory dances. Her brown hair shone in the late-afternoon sunlight, bringing out the honey-colored highlights. Her cheeks were dusted pink from having been outside for the last several hours. Her eyes sparkled with laughter at the joy of being in first place. She looked absolutely beautiful.

I walked over to my ball and tapped it in, the satisfying thud sounding out around us.

“How did you get so good at mini-golf anyway?” I asked, grabbing my ball before we both headed toward the next hole.

“My mom worked at a mini-golf place in Texas for almost ten months. It was one of her longest jobs.” She set her ball down in the small indent on the green. “After school on the days she would work, I’d hang out with her at Hole-in-Fun Mini-Golf, and once I was done with my homework, I’d play the course to help pass the time until her shift was over.”

“How old were you?” I asked.

“Twelve.” She hit the ball, sending it through the guided trail and out onto the open green, stopping only about a foot away from the hole.

I pictured twelve-year-old Halle, spending her afternoons and evenings at a mini-golf place, and it sent an unfamiliar twinge through my heart. I wasn’t sure if it was sadness, annoyance, or some other emotion I couldn’t quite put my finger on. All I knew was that I wished she could have had a different childhood. One in which her mom hadn’t moved her from town to town and from man to man.

I watched her as she retrieved her ball. She didn’t look sad or upset about her childhood, how she’d spent so much time at a mini-golf course. She acted like that was a normal part of life. And that left me feeling even more unsettled, thinking of Halle alone and resigned to her life. She deserved to be wild and free.

“Have you heard from your mom lately?” I asked, setting down my ball and getting ready for my next shot.

“Not since she left a month ago,” she said matter-of-factly, no hint of any type of emotion in her voice. “But that’s how it goes with her. I never know when I’m going to get a call or have her show up on my doorstep.”

I hit my ball. “Has it always been that way?”

Instead of my ball taking the trail that led to the hole, it detoured and hit off the side of the wall, ping-ponging back and forth before coming to a stop several feet from the hole. Dang it.

“Yeah, pretty much. Once I graduated from high school she was gone. I think she felt like she’d done her motherly duty by taking care of me until I was eighteen.” She sounded matter-of-fact, and I couldn’t tell if it was because she was trying to keep her emotions out of it, or if she didn’t have any emotions about it—like that was just the way it was.

I’d only met her mother a few times, and I’d wondered how it would have been to grow up with a mom like her. It couldn’t have been easy to move so much and to have your only parental figure be relatively unstable.

I debated whether to continue talking about her mom or to move on to a less personal topic, but the desire to know more won out.

“Do you wish she was around more?” I asked. I saw my mom at least once a month, and she usually called to check in with me between our monthly dinners. It was hard for me to imagine not having a mother who was invested in my life.

She let out a heavy sigh. “Will you think I’m awful if I say no?”

After two more shots, I finally got my ball in the hole so we could move on to the next one. “No. I have no room to judge someone, especially when I know nothing about the situation.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I love my mom, it’s just that…” She paused, looking like she was debating how much to say. “She’s kind of exhausting. I feel like I was more of an adult than she was when I was growing up. And now when she comes around, it’s only because she needs a place to stay or she needs money.”

I bristled at the thought of her mom using her. Halle was too kind and sweet, and I hated the idea of someone taking advantage of her.

She must have noticed my change in mood because she rushed to add, “She does care about me in her own way. She didn’t have the best role models when it came to parenting, and then she got pregnant so young. I know she’s doing her best.”

I nodded, keeping any comments I had to myself. It wasn’t my place to say anything.

“She means well,” she said as we continued to play the game. “Again, I’m sorry about how she showed up at your door wanting you to let Kate and me use your shower. I was so embarrassed. She is convinced that if I can find a wealthy and successful man, I will be eternally happy.” She rolled her eyes.

“And you disagree?” I asked, wondering what her answer would be.

“One hundred percent,” she said. “How many rich guys have I watched my mom date? She doesn’t look eternally happy to me. She looks like she’s chasing happiness in all the wrong places.” She hit her ball again. “Watching her over the years made me averse to dating anyone with a lot of money. I stuck to dating guys who were in the same income bracket as me. Focused more on attraction—until that burned me. If I was open to dating, I’d definitely go for the average-looking guy with the average income.” She picked up her ball from the hole like we were talking about the weather and not how she’d pretty much told me she’d never date someone like me.

I didn’t want to date her either, but that was only because I couldn’t give her what she deserved, not because of her financial status or her looks.

I tried to not feel offended. I didn’t consider myself a conceited person, but my potential wealth couldn’t be a complete secret when my last name was Vanderhall. And I’d heard enough from women about my looks to know I was a good-looking guy. It stung a little that she had so easily dismissed me as someone she could date.

Okay, maybe it stung a lot. I shouldn’t care that she had no interest in dating me since I had no intention of dating her. But it didn’t take away from how I wanted her to want me.

I recalled how she’d saidifshe was open to dating. What had she meant by that? I remembered her mom saying that Halle’s last boyfriend had really hurt her, but was that why she’d written off dating?

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