Page 105 of Up All Night

I lifted one shoulder in a shrug. “I don’t know. He’s so into his work that he isn’t willing to make time for a relationship.”

“He made time for you on those two Saturdays. Seems like that was a big deal for him,” she pointed out.

“Yeah, but I guess three Saturdays in a row was asking too much of him.” I let out a huff of air. “Between my relationship hang-ups and him being married to his work, we just couldn’t figure things out.”

My mom was quiet for a moment before she said, “It seems to me like you two never really gave it a chance to see if itcouldwork. You both bailed at the first indication theremightbe trouble.”

Her comment took me aback. “Why would we want to get into a relationship if we already know it’s going to fail?”

“I know I’m not the best person to be giving this advice,” she pulled her legs up underneath her, “But from what I understand, good relationships take work—a lot of work. Both partners need to be willing to compromise, sacrifice, and even make changes for the other person. If you two really want to be together, I don’t see why you can’t be.”

When had my mom become Dr. Phil?

Her words seeped in, the truth ringing through. It wasn’t like I didn’t agree with her statements, but I also didn’t feel like it was that simple.

Could West and I really give us a try? Were we willing to take a risk on one another? I couldn’t answer that for him, but I also didn’t know how to answer it myself.

When I thought about being in his arms and spending every spare minute with him, I wanted to shout, Heck yes, let’s do it!

But when I thought about him canceling plans all the time, the constant interruptions when we were together, and him always choosing work over us, it didn’t sound so good.

West could break my heart in a way it had never been broken before. I’d thought I was in love with Jeremy, but I’d been in love with theideaof Jeremy. Of having someone to spend my life with, someone whom I was attracted to, and who I hoped would love me the way I’d always wanted to be loved. But Jeremy had never been the right fit for me, and as hard as the break-up had been, I was so grateful it was over. I would have stayed in that miserable relationship forever, hoping for something I’d never have.

Something I could have with West.

That is, if he wanted to have a relationship with me.

He hadn’t reached out. I hadn’t run into him once when coming and going from the apartment building. It was like he’d disappeared.

I couldn’t force him to want to be with me, to choose our relationship over working himself to death for his job. He had to make that choice on his own. And I worried that at the end of the day, his job meant more to him than I did. I couldn’t begrudge him that either. I could never fully understand the pressure he felt from his father. West felt a sense of duty to his father and the company, and it wasn’t my place to tell him to choose something different.

In some crazy way, my mom helped me work much of the grief and struggles stifling me, but there was nothing in her wisdom that could rekindle whatever West and I might have had.

The only way West and I would ever have any hope of getting to work on a relationship together would have to start with him. He would have to make some decisions. And the outcome of those decisions would determine if he and I could ever become anything more than neighbors.

I sank back into the couch, the weight of my thoughts heavy.

Letting my head fall back along the cushions, I stared up at the ceiling, sending a plea out into the universe.

Please let West choose us.

30

West

The first thing I did when I got home was take a nap. The dark circles under my eyes made me look like I’d been in a fight, and that wasn’t really the look I was going for when I wanted to go win Halle back.

Then I showered and shaved off the poor excuse of a beard before making a big plate of eggs, bacon, and toast—because breakfast was good at any time of the day.

After I felt more human, I sat on the couch, hoping inspiration would strike about how I could prove to Halle I was ready to change, to show her I wanted her in my life, that I wanted to be in a committed relationship with her and have a better work-life balance. I needed to figure out a way to tell her how important she was to me and that I wanted her to be my number-one priority.

It took well over an hour for any good idea to formulate. I was desperate to find something I could do to show her I was serious, that this wouldn’t be short lived. I scrolled through our text message thread, hoping it would spark an idea, and when I landed on the text she’d sent talking about the dance recital, I knew that would be my chance.

I googled the dance studio and bought a ticket online to make sure I had a seat. The rest of the plan formed on its own, but the hardest part was waiting until the next night to see her.

I laid in bed that night wishing I could call out to her through the vent, to tell her how much I wanted to be with her. I wanted to tell her I had finally talked to my dad, that I had told him how unhappy I was and how I wanted nothing more than to be with her.

Thinking about my conversation with my father had me wishing I had done it sooner—like two years sooner.

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