Page 76 of Sigils & Spells

Just, ha. As if there was anything ordinary about the man. But it was just him, and as extraordinary as I thought him to be, as magnificent as he really was in his powers and magical form, he was just a man. A man who would never see me the way I so desperately wanted him to.

The power flickered and went out, plunging the apartment into an eerie late afternoon twilight. In the dimness, I turned on my heel and was out the door and down the stairs. The dark wood paneling that I always took precious time to admire and touch was ignored in a blur. I crashed out the door of the Capitulum.

I was brought up short by a gaggle of large Brahma chickens nervously pacing back and forth on the porch, having sought shelter from the sudden storm. A few of those small fluffy birds mixed in with the larger docile ones. A pang hit my heart as I remembered Ramsey’s teeth on the stupid little rooster.

The big rooster, the one that came up to my knee, warbled nervously after a boom of thunder and pressed against my leg as hens gathered around my ankles like I was some kind of chicken solace, or mama hen. I was neither. At least I hadn’t been five seconds earlier. I was surrounded by more fowl than I had ever seen roaming the grounds. Were they multiplying?

A flap of feathers headed toward my face and I caught a chonky hen mid-flight.

“What are you trying to do?” I asked as I pulled her in close to calm her. “You don’t fly.”

There was nothing for me to do. I had to calm myself to calm the chicken in my arms. I wasn’t going to get away anytime soon. Besides, it wasn’t safe on my scooter in this heavy rain. I held the bird with one arm, gently petting the head of the big one who still pressed against my leg, and watched the rain.

“You’re still here.”

My insides clenched and I closed my eyes. I hadn’t heard the door open. My escape hadn’t gone the way I needed to too. When it was me and the nervous birds, I had been calm. I needed to be for them. Now my heart raced, my nerves jangled. I wanted to throw up and run away. I wanted to bury myself under a mountain and hide.

“The chickens don’t like the storm, and they all seemed to gather here instead of in their coop,” I said feebly.

Why was I still talking to him? Wading through the mass of birds toward the front steps, I stepped down the first few, turned, and put the hen in my arms down before continuing out into the cold rain. I finished my descent. The big Brahma rooster followed me, crying at me the entire time.

“Pandora, stop.”

I stopped. I actually turned around and looked back at Merle. He picked up the big cock and tucked it into his elbow. He held the bird carefully. It settled like a fussy baby. Lightning and thunder crashed again, and the bird squirmed. Merle had more patience and compassion for the fucking chicken than he managed to have for me.

I looked up into the sky. The rain fell harder, making a roaring sound that filled the world. I wanted to scream back at it, but all that came from my mouth was a sob.

“Pan.” Merle’s voice was softer, closer.

When I opened my eyes, he stood in front of me. Rain streamed down his face and plastered his hair down, even while it tried to rebel and curl at the ends. I glanced at the soaking wet chicken in his arms. Why was he out here? His heart wasn’t breaking. He didn’t have his life’s blood draining from his soul, needing to be washed away with the storm.

“What are you doing?” I somehow managed to ask. I don’t know how my tongue could form words now that I was facing him again.

There was a squawk, and then Merle’s arms were around me. He pulled me into his chest, cradling the back of my head as his lips descended on mine. All of my senses were enveloped by him, the warmth and hard press of his body, the taste of those stupid peanut butter cookies on his lips, the hint of pine from his body wash shampoo combo product.

He kissed me like he meant it, and I kissed him back like I was drowning, and he was air. I gasped for breath between attempts at sucking him into my body.

“There is nothing to forgive you for. You love me, and I am a fool,” he finally said. He held my face close to his. I was entwined and captured. The big wet cock pressed against my leg. It was as if the chicken was forcing my body against Merle’s.

He needed to keep talking, or I was going to run. Yes, I loved him. Yes, he was an idiot. I wanted to be in his arms more than anything, but not if all I was for him was convenient. I could get convenient, and not have my emotions tied up in knots, from Darren. But that’s not what I wanted. I wanted Merle.

But I needed him to want me, too.

“I don’t know how you can love me.” He slid his lips over mine again, and this time I poured everything in that kiss. I no longer wanted to consume him, I wanted to give all of myself to him. I needed him to feel the turmoil he caused in my heart, my soul. I needed him to feel the emptiness inside of me that only he could fill.

This time the electricity didn’t spark between us, it blew us apart. There was a loud bang, a sizzle, and a pop. I landed on my ass about five feet from where we stood, that silly wet cock crawled into my lap, cooing like a purring cat. I gasped, and then started laughing.

Merle was on his ass too, about ten feet from me. A scorched starburst marked the spot where we had been embracing. He ran his fingers through his hair and then stared at his fingers. Smoke trailed up from his fingertips.

He managed to move quickly in his shock. He was on his feet and skidded to a stop on his knees next to me in a blink.

“Pan, Pandora, are you okay?” His hands frantically patted down my arms and over my thighs. His hand brushed wet hair from my face, and he forced me to look at him.

“Shocking,” I laughed.

Merle laughed and leaned his forehead against mine. “Life certainly is interesting with you around, Pan.”

I closed my eyes. I was the idiot here. I had so easily slipped back into wanting to be with him. One kiss and I was ignoring my own choices because in the end the only choice I wanted was him. I sucked in a breath, preparing to tell him I needed to leave. We couldn’t do this anymore. My heart couldn’t take it.

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