Page 8 of My Secret to Protect

‘Nobody knows. Nick does, obviously, but nobody else. I want to wait until Cara has the baby before we share.’

‘You’re having a baby,’ I whisper excitedly, and she wiggles in her seat.

‘I can’t believe it.’

‘You deserve this, Miss. Nick too.’ I squeeze her hands, smiling as both of our cell phones vibrate on the table at the same time, and our eyes meet before we both pick them up and open the message in our group chat:The Coven.

Cara:Contractions hurt like a bitch!

My lips part, and I meet Missy’s matching expression for a second before we both smile widely. She’s having the baby.

‘Merv,’ I call out, ‘can we get those to go?’

She’sperfect.

Staring down at the tiny little girl in my arms, I fight the lump in my throat. Lottie, my niece, came into the world at home, as her mama planned, in the house Cara’s family has owned for generations, with my baby brother, her doting daddy, right there to welcome her.

‘Quit hogging her,’ Zoe whines, and I pull away.

‘You have your own.’ Doug laughs but takes Lottie from my arms and hands her back to her mama.

‘Sorry,’ Cara smiles shyly, and I grin. She needs her baby. I get it.

‘I’ll make some drinks.’ Smiling, I stand as I walk into the kitchen just as Missy, Nick, and Jonah arrive, so I pull down a couple of extra cups.

Looking up, I watch all the completed families congregating in the living room, which I can see thanks to the huge open archways of the old Reynolds’ farmhouse.

Mama and Merv sit with Bowie next to Cara and Lottie. Doug stands next to Leo behind the armchair where Zoe sits with Lucas. Bowie moves to sit on the floor with Missy’s son, Jonah, as Missy and Nick take the other sofa. All of them smiling, laughing. Happy. Complete.

Sadness overwhelms me during this moment that should be nothing but happy.

Why am I alone? I’m a good person, but I’m alone. I go to bed alone, and I wake up alone. I spent years having meaningless sex because after having my heart broken once, I wasn’t ready for a serious connection again, but I’m ready now, and it’s not there.

I busy myself making the drinks, fighting the loneliness that threatens to swallow me whole. I shouldn’t be lonely. I have this big, beautiful family to love, to be loved by—but it’s not enough.

‘You okay, sweetie?’ I look up to find my mom joining me behind the counter, wordlessly moving to help me with the drinks.

‘Yeah, I’m okay.’

She stills, looking up at the scene that’s held me captive, then down at the ring on her finger.

‘He would have loved this,’ she says so softly that it squeezes my throat. ‘He’d have hoped to see you happy and settled, too, of course, but this, our family. He would have loved this so much.’

Daddy. God, I miss him. He’s been gone the same amount of time that I had him for and it doesn’t get any easier. He wasn’t much older than I am now when he died. If I spend any time thinking about it, I’m sure that’s why my clock is ticking louder. He was twenty-one when he decided he wanted to marry Mama, and he had nineteen years with her. Nineteen years of love and happiness. Of waking up together and building a life together. I saw him die too young. I saw Zoe’s first husband, Luke, die even younger, and it’s not enough. They didn’t get enough time. I’m getting older, and while my prime baby-making years are not a factor for me, I want a life with someone. I don’t want to meet someone when I don’t have a lot of life left to live.

‘Bree?’ Mama’s soft, questioning tone as she takes my hand on the countertop makes me swallow the lump in my throat.

‘I miss him,’ I admit, masking all the other shit that was going through my mind.

‘Me too, honey.’ She squeezes my hand before pulling out two trays and loading up the drinks. ‘Come on.’

‘Hey,boss,’Jennacallsout as she walks into my tiny office at the end of my shift.

‘Hey, Jen. You good?’ She sits in the chair opposite me, a shit-eating grin on her face. ‘Oh my god, you asked her.’

Jenna started dating Kacey a few months after she started working at Missy’s salon. Kacey being out as a lesbian unnerved Jenna at first because she was drawn to her in ways that didn’t make sense to my friend. It awakened feelings in her she’d pushed aside for so long. One tipsy dance at the bar led to a kiss that led to them becoming close and serious, fast.

‘I did. She said yes.’

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