Page 4 of My Secret to Protect

He huffs out a laugh. ‘I was on a date, actually or, supposed to be.’ He shrugs. ‘She didn’t show.’

I laugh, ‘So we both got stood up in the same place.’

‘Apparently.’ He smiles. ‘I don’t know about you, Bree, but I’m starving, you want to get out of here and grab a burger?’

Grinning now, I nod. ‘Oh, my god, yes, let’s do it.’

As we pull on our jackets and head out of the restaurant after I paid for my wine, Nolan nudges my shoulder.

‘So, how’ve you been?’

I smile as we walk. ‘Good, I’m good. I’m an auntie again. My twin had a baby, and my brother’s girlfriend is ready to give birth, too.’ I grin thinking of my sweet nephew and the niece due any day now.

‘Wow, babies all around.’

‘Yeah.’

‘So, you’re still searching for the one.’ It’s not a question but a statement.

‘I am hoping to find love, yeah,’ I answer quietly, feeling somewhat guilty that Nolan just wasn’t that for me.

‘He’s out there, Bree. You’re a catch.’

Turning to look at him as we continue to walk side by side, I take in his friendly, soft smile and return it with one of my own.

‘Thanks, Nolan.’

We head inside a diner and find a booth, sitting opposite each other.

‘Your date tonight is an idiot,’ he shakes his head, smiling, ‘you look incredible.’

I laugh. ‘Stop it.’

‘Hey, kids.’ An older lady in a retro waitress uniform, straight out of the movies, stands at the end of the booth, and Nolan and I both laugh, politely, of course. He’s forty, and I’m almost thirty-seven,kidswe are not. ‘What can I get you?’

I order first: a burger and fries. Not what I would usually eat when I’m dressed this fancy, but hey, here we are, then Nolan says he’ll have the same.

It’s nice to catch up without pressure. When we met in the club, I thought he was hot right away. We kissed that night, and it was good, so I gave him my number. I didn’t think he would call, to be honest. Guys you meet in clubs are generally just looking to get laid that night and not looking to date, but he did call, and we did date for a bit, butit, that spark that I wanted, just wasn’t there for me.

Nolan is a detective in the city—my dream job, and I think I was more attracted to his job than to him. I know that sounds cruel, and don’t get me wrong, he’s hot—that was never the problem, but I just loved hearing him talk about his job. I loved that he respected mine even though it was a world away from his. He seemed to just see me as a fellow cop, and that was nice.

City and bigger-town police officers tend to look down on the small-town guys like me, and really, I get it. I’ve made one arrest in two years. I have one deputy working under me, and that’s it, that’s our entire department, and I personally had to raise the funds to even set it up. What I liked about Nolan, though, was that he recognized that I went through the same training as the rest of them. I committed my life to this job regardless of where I work or how busy I am, and I deserve respect.

We eat, talk easily, and laugh a bit, too, and when we’ve finished and split the bill at my insistence, he walks me to my car and says goodnight.

It’s a shame, I think, as I make the hour drive home, that I couldn’t get there with Nolan. We kissed a bunch and had sex once, and it was okay, but something didn’t fit with us, and even though he tried to act like it wasn’t an issue, there was something lacking for him, too: kids. He wants them. I do not.

When I told him I didn’t want to be a mom, he was shocked, and he took some time to consider it before he said he was okay with that, but I knew he wasn’t. I knew he was doing one of two things: he was planning to either compromise on his own dreams to keep me in his life, or he was humoring me, expecting that I would change my mind eventually. Because what self-respecting woman doesn’t want kids, right?

I love kids. I adore them. My niece, Bowie, is the light of my life. Jonah, my unofficial nephew, is like my best little bud, and Lucas, Zoe’s baby, iseverything.Do I have the warm and fuzzies for them? Like you wouldn’t believe. Do I want a tiny, soft-skinned, heaven-scented bundle of my own? No, thank you.

I never wanted that. I didn’t even play with baby dolls as a little girl. Zoe always did. The problem is, the men I met when I was only looking to hook up in my late twenties and early thirties didn’t care about my lack of maternal desire, but those same men, when they hittheirmid-thirties, seem to hit this switch that tells them they need to meet the mother of their future children and make them their perfect little Stepford Wife. Dating for sex when you don’t want kids is a green light—guys just looking for casual hook-ups love that shit. Dating for something long-term, something serious, when you’re a woman in your mid-thirties and don’t want to be a mom is, well, challenging.

I want a man. I want a partner to move through life with, to grow old with, and raise a stupid number of puppies with, but finding one of those who isn’t looking to continue his family line is proving difficult.

No, as nice as he is, as attractive as he is, Nolan was never going to be the one. I’m just going to have to keep looking.

One Date Wonder

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