Page 94 of Home in Nevada

“…Is this too much?” Jamie asks, his voice dipping with uncertainty, his eyebrows creasing just slightly. “Is this fucking corny?”

“No,” I say, shaking my head. “Jamie, I love that you actually talk to me now… Thank you. This means a lot to me.”

His lips twitch into a smile, soft and genuine. He runs a hand through my hair, and then finally, finally, he leans down to kiss me. His lips are warm, familiar, and I can’t help myself—I reach up and cup the back of his head, pulling him closer.

When I break away, my heart’s pounding, and I blurt out the thing I’ve been holding in for days. “I put in my two weeks' notice at my job yesterday.”

Jamie blinks at me, his expression flickering between confusion and disbelief. “What?”

“I quit my job.” My hand rests on his thigh, steadying both of us as I look up into his eyes, trying to gauge his reaction.

He sits up straighter, creating a little space between us, and I can tell by the look on his face that he’s trying to process what I just said. “Jeff... Why? We didn’t even talk about this.”

“I don’t care,” I say, shaking my head. “Jamie, you’d never ask me to do that. I did it because I don’t want this anymore—the distance. It sucks. I know you hate it, too. You’ve never wanted this kind of relationship.”

I grab his hands, pressing them flat against my chest so he can feel the way my heart is hammering. “You told me before any of this started that you weren’t into long-distance relationships, but you did it anyway. For me. You’ve never even brought it up, Jamie, not once. So I quit my job for you.”

Jamie doesn’t say anything for a while. His silence makes my pulse race even harder. I wonder if he can feel it under his hands.

“…You hate Nevada,” he finally says, his voice breaking the stillness.

“It’s worth it.”

“…You can’t surf here. You’ve been surfing almost every day.”

“It’s fine,” I say quickly. “I’ll visit once in a while, bring my surfboard. It doesn’t matter.”

His eyes start to well up, and I notice, even in the dim light. His breathing’s picking up, fast and shallow, and my stomach twists in knots. Is he mad? Is he about to flip out on me? The thought of him being upset makes me nauseous.

I don’t know what to say to calm him down, so I just hold his hands tighter.

"Lucy isn’t here."

“Dude, who cares?” I say, shaking my head. “I’ll visit once in a while, hang out with Lucy, and surf. It won’t be like this. This has to be reversed, Jamie. Besides, Lucy might be leaving to be with Nichole sooner than expected… She’s got her own thing going on now.”

Jamie finally smiles, but his eyes are still glassy, filled with unshed tears. It’s the kind of smile that tugs at my heart, the kind that says he’s happy but still breaking inside.

“Are you sure you know what you’re doing?” he asks softly.

I give him a look. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I mean...” He hesitates, his voice trembling. “What if you get depressed about being here? What if you miss Lucy more than you think you will? What if you regret everything, regret being with me? What if—”

“Stop.”

Jamie’s tears spill over now, streaming down his cheeks, and it guts me. I can’t take it—can’t take seeing him like this.

“Stop acting like I’m not sure if I love you,” I say firmly, my voice shaking. “Like I don’t know what I’m doing. Just... stop.”

I almost say something dumb, like calling him an idiot or stupid, but I catch myself. Jamie doesn’t like that, not when he's opening up to me. I’m proud of myself for catching it, even now, with everything swirling in my head.

I reach up, grab the hood of his white hoodie, and gently tug him down until he falls onto me. Wrapping my arms around his shoulders, I squeeze him tight against my chest, holding him like I’ll never let go.

“I love you, Jamie.” My breath hangs in the cold night air, visible between us. “I love you so much. Please be okay with this. I don’t want to be without you anymore. Don’t make me live without you anymore. Please... please let me do this.”

My voice cracks on the last word, and I tighten my grip on him, hoping he feels everything I’m trying to say—the desperation, the certainty, the ache of needing him.

Jamie sighs against me, and I feel the full weight of his head on my chest. His fingers slide through my hair, slow and comforting, but he’s still crying, so I stay quiet and let him.

---