The silence stretches, and I’m sure I’ve said too much.
“I’m in love with you, Jeffrey.”
The words hit me like a tidal wave, knocking every rational thought out of my head. I nearly drop the phone, my breath hitching as my mind struggles to process what I just heard.
"You don’t have to say anything," Jamie adds quickly, his voice softer now, but still trembling with emotion. "I just... want you to know. I’ve wanted to tell you for such a long time. I know I told you this meant something to me, but you have no idea how much it does."
I try to speak, but my mouth refuses to cooperate. The knot in my chest has burst wide open, spilling over with so much emotion I can barely breathe. I’ve never felt anything like this before—so overwhelming, so terrifying, so perfect.
"So... can you please come home? So I can see you?" Jamie asks, his voice breaking ever so slightly.
"Yeah," I manage to choke out, the word barely audible, but it’s the only thing I can say.
"...For real?" Jamie asks, and I can hear the fragile hope in his voice, like he’s afraid to believe me.
“Yeah,” I repeat, more firmly this time. “I’m coming. I’ll do whatever you want, Jamie.”
There’s a pause, and then Jamie lets out a shaky laugh, the sound soft but full of relief. It sends a warm wave through me, easing the tension that’s been choking me for months.
“You better,” Jamie says, his voice lighter now, and it hits me like a balm. It’s like I’ve been holding my breath since the day he left, and now, for the first time, I can finally exhale.
“On one condition,” I add.
“What’s that?”
“I can’t have a goodbye like that ever again, Jamie.” My voice softens, but there’s no mistaking the weight behind it. “Please don’t ever, ever do that again. I never want to say goodbye to you while you’re crying like that.”
Jamie laughs quietly, the sound so genuine and familiar that my chest aches and swells at the same time. It’s the laugh I’ve missed every single day since we said goodbye, the laugh I never thought I’d get to hear like this again.
“It’s not funny, Jamie. I’m serious,” I say, though I can’t help the slight smile tugging at my lips.
“I promise,” he says, his voice warm with affection, though I can still hear the faint tremble of lingering emotion. “I won’t be dramatic.”
“No crying like that again,” I repeat, my tone firm but teasing.
“Okay,” Jamie says softly, the smile evident in his voice.
“Because you’re going to tell me right away if I do something stupid, or if I upset you.”
“Okay.”
“Okay.”
I know I have a goofy smile on my face now, and I don’t even care.
“…I’m not sure why you like me so much,” I blurt out, the thought escaping before I can stop it.
Jamie laughs again, that familiar, beautiful laugh that I could listen to forever. “…Me neither.”
“Don’t be a dick,” I say, grinning even wider now.
His laughter fills the line, and I swear it’s the best sound in the world. I didn’t realize how much I needed this—needed him—until this moment. Whatever just happened between us feels fragile but real, like the first step toward something I can’t let slip through my fingers again. If this is my chance to make things right, I’m going to grab it with both hands.
“I’m going to book you a flight,” Jamie says, his voice steady and sure, and for the first time in months, I feel steady too.
Later, as I lie on my bed, still riding the high of hope Jamie just gave me, the words"I'm in love with you, Jeffrey"echo endlessly in my ears. With a burst of nervous energy, I shuffle my feet over to the sad little bookshelf in my living room, the one crammed with dusty college textbooks on weather patterns and papers I haven’t touched since graduation.
I pull the old, faded journal from the shelf, feeling the worn leather under my fingertips. My heart pounds as I flip it open, thumbing through pages filled with my teenage chicken scratch. I can’t bear to read any of it, but I know what I’m looking for.