Page 44 of Home in Nevada

“For what?” His tone is sharp, slicing right through me.

“For... that,” I say, gesturing vaguely toward the door. “Whatever the hell that was. I think she might be on the verge of a drinking problem, if she’s not already there.”

Jamie’s eyes narrow, his voice low and steady. “Well, is she right?”

The question makes my heart sink. “What do you mean?” I ask, even though I already know.

“Is she right? Because you really don’t seem to care that you hurt your girlfriend. Do you care?”

I’m stunned, the words catching in my throat. How the hell do I even begin to answer that?

I throw my arms in the air, my voice rising. “Are you kidding me, dude?! I know you’re drunk, but that’s bullshit. Jamie, she was cheating on me.”

“And what do you think we were doing?” Jamie fires back, his voice trembling. “On the couch, in your bed, in your car—all those times back in high school when you were dating someone else?”

“Oh, please,” I snap, defensive. “You were doing the same thing to girls back then. Gay or not, you’re no better.”

Jamie’s eyes gloss over, and before I know it, tears start sliding down his cheeks. Seeing him cry cuts me deeper than I want to admit. My anger toward Tiffany flares hotter. She hadn’t just ruined the night; she’d turned Jamie against me.

“Jeff... do you care?”

The question stuns me. I freeze, my hands dropping to my sides as my eyes widen in disbelief.

“Jamie, of course I care. What are you talking about?” I step closer, placing a hand on his shoulder, but he shoves it off. The rejection feels like a knife to the gut.

“Sometimes I wonder if you really do,” Jamie says, his voice cracking, raw and uneven. “I’ve never, ever seen you care. Jeff, what Tiffany said... I know you, and that’s exactly what I’ve been worried about. You’ve never taken me seriously, and then you just up and left. That killed me Jeff, it killed me when you left. I’m terrified that this—this is all a joke to you, just like all your other relationships. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you actually care about anyone you’ve been with. I don't think I've ever seen you commit.”

His words hit harder than I expect, like a blow I wasn’t ready for. My chest tightens, my throat feels dry, but I force myself to respond, trying to keep my voice steady.

“I don’t care about Tiffany anymore, that’s true,” I say slowly, choosing my words carefully. “But I did care about her. I did take her seriously. When I caught her that night, everything changed.”

I pause, meeting Jamie’s eyes, my voice softening. “But you, Jamie? I care about you... I’vealwayscared about you.”

“You’re a fucking liar.”

The accusation nearly breaks me. I know he sees the way my eyes widen in surprise, the shock hitting me like a slap.

“You have no idea what you want,” Jamie continues, his voice rising with each word. “You never did. Tiffany’s right, and this is exactly what I was worried about, Jeff. I came all the way here because I hoped... I hoped...”

His voice cracks, and he doesn’t finish the thought, but the weight of what he’s saying presses down on me like a boulder.

His voice falters, and he buries his face in his hands, his sobs shaking his whole body. I try to touch his shoulder again, desperate to comfort him, but he pushes me away, and it feels like my heart is being ripped out.

“Jamie, God, please don’t cry. You’re breaking my heart.”

“I told you this was always a big deal to me... being together. Is it a big deal to you?”

His words make my stomach churn, and I remember him saying that. I want to pull him into a hug, to tell him it is, but I know he’ll just push me away again.

“What were you going to do after we had sex just now, Jeff?” Jamie asks, his voice raw. “After I went home? Were you even going to call me anymore? Or would you have just moved on to the next girl like you always do because you won your bet and got fucking me out of your system?”

“Stop it. You’re being ridiculous. You’re drunk, and you let Tiffany get to you—”

“I’mnotbeing ridiculous, and I know I'm drunk but Tiffany didn’t get to me,” he snaps, cutting me off. “She just confirmed everything I’ve been insecure about. Honestly, Jeff, I knew what you wanted from me when I came here. I knew you were probably just curious. And I knew it would be over the minute I gave in to you, but I did it anyway because I’ve always been a complete fucking moron over you.”

“Stop. That’s not true. That’s not what was going to happen, Jamie. You’re acting like you have me all figured out, and you fucking don’t.”

“Yes, I do!” Jamie yells, his voice cracking. “I know you, Jeff. Better than anyone else in the world. I don’t want to just mess around with you, hoping that maybe you actually like me... hoping maybe this is for real. Do you realize how long you’ve strung me along, for so many years? I don’t know what I was thinking coming here. I don’t know why I expected you to suddenly be a changed man for me—”

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