Page 10 of Home in Nevada

The one where Jeff fumbles more than his controller.

Lucy,mybestwingman,flat-out refuses to join me at Jamie’s apartment tonight. She claims she promised my mom they’d play some board game she can’t stop raving about, but I know better. Lucy’s way too excited about what’s brewing between Jamie and me. It feels like she’s leaving me to dive into this uncertainty alone, like she’s setting me up for some kind of emotional ambush.

“Come on, just come with me,” I practically beg, sounding more desperate than I’d like. Without her, the stakes feel impossibly high, and the butterflies in my stomach are quickly turning into nausea.

She just smirks, shaking her head. “You’ll be fine, Jeff. You got this.”

Her confidence in me feels misplaced. I’m a bundle of nerves, but I let her win. I know she’s right in her own meddling way… If I don’t face this head-on, I’ll never figure out what’s still simmering between Jamie and me. But as I drive to his apartment, I can’t shake the feeling that I’m walking into a trap of my own making.

When I pull into the parking lot, I sit in the driver’s seat for a moment, gripping the steering wheel. My heart is pounding like I’ve just sprinted a mile. I take a deep breath, reminding myself that this is supposed to be like old times—us hanging out, playing video games, shooting the shit. But the second I step out of the car, the tension in my chest tightens, coiling like a spring. It’s not just nostalgia I’m feeling, it’s everything I’ve pushed down for four years, bubbling up to the surface.

The stairwell smells like fresh rain and cigarette smoke, the kind of scent that clings to your clothes. I take it all in as I climb to the second floor, trying to remember the last time I felt this anxious about seeing anyone. Jamie’s place isn’t what I expected: clean, quiet, with potted plants lining the balcony. It’s nice. Too nice. It doesn’t match the messy, carefree guy I remember from high school. What else about him has changed?

I knock on the door, and it swings open almost immediately. Jamie’s standing there in a fitted white t-shirt and gray sweatpants, his hair styled just enough to look effortless. For a split second, his eyes scan over me, starting at my face before trailing down, lingering on my chest and arms. It’s subtle, but I catch it. A quick, almost involuntary once-over. My pulse spikes, and I feel a rush of heat rise to my face.

Is he checking me out? No, I’m imagining it. I have to be. I try to ignore the thrill that runs through me, but my heart’s pounding so hard I swear he can hear it. He’s standing there, cool and casual, while I’m the one losing my grip.

“Hi,” I manage, shoving my hands into my jean pockets like an awkward teenager. My voice comes out breathless, and I hate it.

Jamie’s eyes flick behind me, scanning the hallway like he’s expecting someone else. “Where’s Lucy?” he asks, sounding genuinely surprised.

“She, uh… had something else to do.” I rub the back of my neck, taking another deep breath. What I really mean is,She’s leaving me to figure this out on my own, like some kind of bisexual experiment.I roll my eyes at the thought, trying to play it off, but Jamie’s gaze snaps back to mine, sharp and focused.

For a moment, he just looks at me, his expression unreadable, and I swear he’s holding back a smirk.

“Oh.” Jamie’s eyes widen slightly, and there’s a flicker of surprise—or is it satisfaction?—that flashes across his face. He gives me a once-over again, more obvious this time, and the corner of his mouth quirks up like he’s caught me off guard. “Well, in that case, wanna play Xbox?” he asks, stepping back and opening the door wider, his grin spreading.

The way he’s looking at me, so confident, so sure… it’s throwing me off. I let out a shaky breath I didn’t realize I was holding, and despite the nerves twisting in my gut, I find myself grinning back. “Hell yeah, I wanna play Xbox.”

I step inside, suddenly hyper-aware of how empty-handed I am. Should I have brought something? Wine? Snacks? I feel like an amateur, like I’m showing up to a date I didn’t know I was on.

Jamie’s apartment is spotless, almost too spotless. It’s the kind of clean that feels temporary, like he’s still settling in. There’s barely enough furniture to fill the space, and the living room has this slight echo, like the place hasn’t been lived in long. I spot a stack of moving boxes in the corner. Has he just moved in? I realize how out of the loop I am, how much of his life I’ve missed.

We settle on the couch, controllers in hand, and for the next two hours, it’s like slipping into an old routine. Pizza boxes on the coffee table, beers in hand, us shouting at the screen like no time has passed at all. Jamie tells me he’s been working at a downtown casino since graduation. He never planned to stay long, but he climbed the ranks fast, and now he’s doing pretty well for himself. I can’t help the pang of jealousy that flares up. He makes it sound so easy, like everything fell into place for him.

Meanwhile, I’m barely scraping by in LA. Sure, I’ve got a job as a climatologist, but the cost of living is eating me alive. Jamie—Mr. Casino Manager—seems more successful, more settled. I’m not jealous, exactly; it’s more like this gnawing sense of inadequacy I can’t shake.

I glance over during a lull in the game and catch Jamie watching me, his eyes soft, studying me. The beer’s made me warm and a little buzzed, and I find myself staring at his lips, remembering what it felt like to kiss him. It’s been so long, but the memory is sharp, vivid, like I could reach out and touch it.

Jamie notices. He leans in a little closer, his gaze flicking between my lips and my eyes. It’s subtle, but I know that look. It’s hislet’s make outface, the one that used to get me every time. He gives me this half-smile, tilts his head slightly, and then just like that… he winks.

It’s like a punch to the gut. I can feel my heart pounding in my ears, my skin flushing hot. My fingers fumble over the controller, and I break eye contact, looking down like an idiot. I’m on the edge of something dangerous, something I know I shouldn’t want but can’t resist. This isn’t a good idea. I need to get a grip before I do something stupid, like kiss him right here on the couch.

But I can’t move. I’m frozen, staring at the screen, pretending to focus on the game, while all I can think about is how close he is, how good he looks, and how much I want him.

“Hey, man... I can’t do that anymore. I have a girlfriend. A serious girlfriend,” I whisper, my eyes now locked on Jamie’s lips. My voice is so quiet I’m not even sure if he heard me.

“Oh.” Jamie leans back into his side of the couch, and the mischievous glint in his eyes fades. The shift is instant, and it feels like I’ve lost something I wasn’t ready to give up. My heart sinks.

“That’s okay, I get it. Sorry, dude,” Jamie says, rubbing the back of his neck. He forces a light laugh, but it sounds hollow. “It’s the beer... I guess it would be weird, right? After all this time?”

I feel embarrassed that we’re even having this conversation. It’s like I’ve walked into a trap, and I don’t know how to get out.

“You must really like her,” Jamie says, smirking as he turns back to the game.

“She’s the best girlfriend I’ve ever had,” I reply, and it comes out more defensive than I mean it to.

Jamie laughs softly, like he’s in on a joke I don’t get. I glance over, frowning at him.

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