Page 76 of Bear's Heart

“You haven’t forgiven yourself for what you said.”

“I haven’t forgiven myself for any of it.What I said, what I did.Bear can never have children now.I took his one chance at being a father away from him.I did that.Because I’m a selfish, horrible human being.”

Josie struggled to swallow around the lump filling her throat.She wanted to comfort Savannah, but she didn’t know what to say.She felt for Bear.She grieved for him.But she also felt Savannah’s pain.Savannah was still in a hell of her own making.

As if reading Josie’s mind, Savannah added with a laugh, “And now here I am pregnant again, and once again, with no baby daddy.”Her eyes shone with tears.“God really does have a funny sense of humor.”

Josie swallowed around the lump filling her throat.Twice Savannah had been put in an impossible situation while pregnant, and while Bear had survived his accident, Noah hadn’t.Noah wasn’t coming back.

Savannah reached down and shaped the loose fabric of her blouse to her tummy, showing up the bump.“I don’t know what I’m going to do.I’m not going to end the pregnancy, but I don’t think I can keep the baby.I’m not prepared to be a single mom.Besides, it would end my career.Country fans might embrace a bad boy, but they don’t love a bad girl.”

Josie blinked, touched and moved.No wonder Savannah was here, camping out at houses, looking for a safe haven.What she needed wasn’t just a place to stay, she needed a friend.Josie leaned over and hugged Savannah hard before letting her go.

Savannah’s eyes were watering when she glanced at Josie.“What was that for?”

“Everybody needs friends,” Josie said fiercely.

“Yes, but not everybody deserves them.”And then Savannah winked and slid off the stool.“I’m going to go to bed, but I think you and Bear have unfinished business.My gut says you have more talking to do.There’s something he’s not telling you, but he should.He owes you the truth, and not whatever bullshit explanation he gave you tonight.”

*

Bear couldn’t sleep.He felt sick, physically and emotionally ill.

He hated what he’d said to Josie today.He hated what he’d done.He hated cutting her loose and pushing her away when everything in him wanted to keep her close.

It had been nearly impossible to say those things to her, and he’d hardened himself against her before leaving his room to speak to her.As he’d talked, he’d steeled himself against the hurt in her expression.He’d steeled himself from caring, because in his heart, he knew he was doing what was best for her.

Josie couldn’t see it now, but one day she’d be glad.She was only twenty-three, and one day she’d be glad he’d protected her, saving her for someone who would give her the life she deserved.Josie deserved the best.She deserved someone who would look out for her and put her first.Bear knew he couldn’t.

Not because he wouldn’t want to, but his accident had changed everything about him, giving him an injury that required constant vigilance.His paralysis meant he had to think for his body.He had to keep track of things most able-bodied men didn’t.When had he last used a bathroom?How long had he been sitting?Had he checked his skin lately?Were there any bruises?Any sores?Anything that could be a problem?He had to scrutinize himself the way most men would never have to scrutinize, and the last thing he wanted to do was turn Josie—beautiful, brilliant, passionate Josie—into his nurse.That was her sister’s calling.Not Josie’s.

But that didn’t make this easy.There wasn’t always joy in doing the right thing.And letting Josie find her future with someone else was the right thing, but it sure hurt like hell.

*

Bear’s truck wasin the driveway when Josie drove to the house to begin packing all of her things.She’d parked at the curb but hesitated to turn the engine off.What if he was here?But what if he wasn’t, and it was just his truck here?

“I thought you were leaving for Texas.”

“My flight was delayed.I’m heading out this afternoon now.”

“I’ll come back then,” she said, retreating to the door.

He didn’t argue.He silently watched her start to go but at the last moment Josie turned around in the doorway.“Why are you so sure you are wrong for me?”she asked, facing him.

“Because I can’t give you everything you need.It’s as simple as that.”

“You’re talking about sex—”

“Yes, I’m talking about sex, but not just about sex.I’m talking about mobility and lifespan.Talking about struggles and hassles that will be with me forever.There is no healing an injury like mine.Why should you have to go through any of that if you don’t have to?Why should you be burdened with the problems I have?

“This is just so crazy.You’ve never talked like this to me—”

“But I thought it.Many times.”

“And is that why you were determined to keep me at arm’s length?Is that why the idea of kissing me was so awful?Why you were doing your best to treat me like a sister?No romance for fear that I would fall for you?Well news alert, Bear Anderson, I fell for you the first day I met you.So, there’s that.”

“I do compare you to Susie.You are right.And I wouldn’t want Susie to ever have less in life.I wouldn’t want her to date someone—or fall in love with someone—who was like me.I would do everything in my power to convince her to hold out for more, for better.Just like I want better for you.”

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