Page 8 of One Last Memory

I huffed out a tense laugh, turning my attention back to my drink and then Benji, who kept looking over Malia’s shoulder at me, wrapping my attention around his finger. I didn’t know why. Was he trying to antagonize Malia or just start shit? He had had to have learned at some point in the last few minutes that Malia and I were sisters and I was the sister who spelled trouble. I didn’t know why Istillhadn’t left.

Malia wouldn’t miss me, drooling all over Benji like he was dessert. And he was.Totallywas. One deep breath later, I pushed away from the counter and headed for the back door away from the beach. My hand landed on the knob and I swung the door open, relishing the heat on my face. All of this was going straight into my journal when I got home.

“Bailee?”

“It’s Lee,” I replied, out of habit.Fuck. It was Benji. I twisted around and looked up before shooting him a sheepish smile as I tumbled out of the door. Benji was one step behind me, the door locking shut behind us. If he had intended toonlycheck on me, he’d have to walk around the entire boardwalk to return to the bar.

Benji chuckled at my misfortune as I straightened myself up. “Well,Lee.I had the most interesting conversation with your sister.”

I wrinkled my nose at that, knowing that Malia had very few positive things to say about me. “Told you all about me and how much of a mess I am, huh? Damaged goods and all that.”

“She didn’t say those words.” His Russian accent hardened his speech, making me shiver with a mixture of desire and uncertainty. How those worked together, I would never know. He stepped closer, and I had to angle my face to meet his. “But you believe them.”That I’m damaged goods? Yes.

The way he just seemed to look through me, into my soul, had me cringing. “What is it with guys on this fucking island reading into everything? Like fuck.” It was a foreign feeling. No one wanted to understand where my self-confidence had disappeared to. They just decided I wasn’t worth it because I had decided it first.

“Because it’s the truth.” Mason had said it wasn’t. But… Benji moved closer, his hand gripping my chin lightly. “Lee, the fact that someone hasn’t swept you off your feet yet? I’m surprised.”

“Why? I’ve gotissues.” I spit out like a goddamn child.Thiswas why I never got a date. It wasn’t my “issues”. It was the fact that I didn’t know how to handle myself in public. God forbid someone gave me attention.

A hearty laugh fell from his lips as he squeezed my chin and then let go. “So does everyone. You’re not special in that regard.” A cheeky smile spread across his face. “Come on, let’s go catch some waves.”

“Must I?”

“Would clear your mind, wouldn’t it?”

I studied the Russian in front of me for a moment. “What about Malia?”

“What about her? She’s crazy.” He managed a small shrug but didn’t seem perturbed that he had just told me that my sister was crazy.Second person who’s dissed my family and hasn’t even blinked…

“She is. But I’m not mean enough to have you leave her sitting at the bar waiting.” I was definitely mean enough – but to have to hear that Benji left her in the bar?I’dnever hear the end of it.

He headed down to the beach, calling back to me. “I didn’t. I told her my time was up, and she took off after trying to kiss me.”

“Was she drunk?”

“Very. It was hilarious. Now – about those waves?”

I bit back a grimace, staring at him as he continued to eye me up. It was similar to the way Mason looked at me last night, like I wasworth it.It was a look I craved, I realized, which had me following him toward the water without another thought.

Well, maybe just one thought.

Malia’s going to fucking kill me.

BAILEE

Thewaveswerefuckingfantastic and I couldn’t have needed anything more than that particular escape. Escaping with Benji hadn’t hurt either, in fact… it had been kind of enlightening. While Mason had told me that I needed to release my emotions and not hide behind my feelings, Benji brought an entirely different dynamic. It was okay to live life freely, regardless of what others thought. One day, I’d look back and regret every moment I didn’t spend on myself at the expense of someone else’s feelings.

There was more to life thanconforming.

Benji should know – someone who left his home and started up a surfing businessbecause he felt like it. If only I had that kind of courage. To just pick up and leave. But I was so terrified of what my parents would say, the looks I’d get from my sisters, the judgy words Zak would throw at me that I refused to step past the safety zone.

In the end, though, did their approval even matter?

Phoenix would have applauded me, told me to chase my dreams, maybe have even thrown a ‘finally’ out there as he chuckled over the phone.

Benji threw out another joke as we stumbled back onto our corner of the beach, hidden by a small cave that was apparently his ‘favorite place in the whole wide world’. I thought he had been joking when he had dragged me out here, but the way his eyes lit up? No one could fake that kind of happiness. It made me want to know what secrets he held because it was fucking contagious.

Seconds later, I felt Benji saddle up behind me, his hands delicately on my waist, his lips grazing my ear. “You know you’re beautiful when you smile? Like the entire world is your oyster. You hide that part of yourself because you feel like you don’t deserve to be happy, but it’s nothing like that.”

---