Page 2 of One Last Memory

Zak was still waiting for my response so I shrugged. “Yeah. Maybe.”Liar. You’re not going.I tried not to grin as I agreed with myself. Family time was for people who cared. I did not care, nor did I find solace in gathering around a campfire to end up talking about my nonexistent love life.

Zak grunted, “You can’t be antisocial here. We’re on afamilyvacation.” He actually looked disappointed. I didn’t know why because Ineverjoined in on these things. I moped around, babysat the kids, and then disappeared the moment we returned home. Just, this time around, I had had my freakout right before we left which meant I was even more fragile than usual.

Well, notfragile, just irritable.

“I’m not antisocial.” I wasn’t. But people made me antsy. They were unpredictable. And I didn’t like them. Okay, so maybe alittleantisocial.

“Really? Because you said all of three sentences on the six-hour plane ride and now you’re spacing out like you always do.”

I stiffened. Zak was the most perceptive aside from Phoenix, but with the least amount of tact. Like none of it. Just poof, gone. He released the man snuggled into his side – no idea what his name was and I was pretty sure it wasn’t worth learning – and approached me until he was standing right in front of me, towering over my 5’5” height. Fuck men and their growth spurts.

His hands rested on my arms, rubbing up and down in comforting strokes. Or at least what was supposed to be comforting. I ended up clutching my journal tighter against my chest, a move that he noticed but didn’t address. “Are you okay? Is this all too much, too soon?”

A frown spread across my lips at the implication as I took a step back, freeing myself from his touch. “I’m not a piece of porcelain, Zak. I don’t just…” I huffed, furrowing my brow. I didn’t want to go down this road again. Explaining to my family that my breakdowns didn’t just happen out of the blue was an ongoing process. They thought it was excessive stress or failing to measure up or whatever bullshit they kept telling themselves. It was none of those things. I just… didn’t want to do anything more. No amount of effort and time ever made me enough. So, what was the point? My head hung low and I knew Zak was going to start beating himself up about the fact that he couldn’t get through to me. “Let’s just go see the house.”

“And then you’ll come down to the beach.” He said so matter-of-factly that I almost wanted to believe him.

“It’s a vacation, Zak.” He didn’t get it. My family never did. “We’re onvacation.Which means I’m on vacation too. Maybe I just want to escape to the farthest side of the beach and have a margarita in silence.” Skip the margarita. Give me back my apartment. Cue the lights, blankets, and my favorite source of pleasure, withthreeglorious settings –Mr. Thunder.

“You don’t mean that.”

“Zak,youadore this family. But it’s not all roses for the rest of us. Well, me. Okay?”

His nose scrunched up, almost as if he wasn’t going to protest. I wondered for a moment if he actually liked our family anymore than I did. “Bailee—”

I held up a hand before this became an argument. I didn’t do those, my chest already heaving at the insane thought that Zak was going to shout at me.Deep breaths, Lee. No freakouts here.A slow breath filtered through my nose as my eyes squeezed shut. “No, not doing this here. On vacation,” I told myself out loud. It was meant for Zak, but those words were just as important for me.

There would be no conflict here. No arguments. No getting myself into situations that I couldn’t easily escape from. I ushered him towards the front door, hoping that the moment everyone decided to fuck off to the beach, I could finally have a few moments of silence to myself.

Because to be truly honest with myself, I had come on this vacation for one important reason. It was to bury the last piece of myself – the darkest part of my past. In one week, I would be truly free. My therapist said that that’s not how diaries were supposed to work.

I call bullshit.

BAILEE

Withmyjournaltuckedtightly against my chest, the constant reminder of my mission ahead, I shuffled inside behind Zak and his fiancé, head bowed as the rest of the family gathered in the open foyer. I bit back the scowl playing at the edge of my tongue as Malia’s twin boys scurried around the foyer, absent of any manners that might have been taught in their household. Probably none.

Mom sent me a double thumbs-up, trying to force a smile out of me, but I just shook my head. If everyone would stop worrying about me, this vacation would be just fine. Fat chance of that.

“Mr. and Mrs. Reynolds and family, I’m glad to have you all here.”

My head shot up at the deep baritone voice that echoed against the rich mahogany trim, eyes widening as my gaze landed on the owner of the gorgeous voice. He was dressed in a light gray tailored suit that complemented every muscle in his arms and chest. His thighs and ass filled the suit pants in a billion different delicious ways that was making my mouth water. When I finally settled on his face, his brown doe eyes shadowed by thick lashes and a mop of midnight curls that cuddled his sharp cheekbones, it was all too apparent that a sex god was giving us a tour.

Fucking hell.If this is what the beach boys looked like these days, I had seriously been missing out.

I swallowed the need to lick my lips at the specimen of a man before me, knowing full well that Malia was drooling on my right. She nudged – more like jabbed me in my side – to let me know she already called dibs. She might have already had two kids, but her radar for the next man in her life was always on. Her track record spoke for herself, but Mom always told me Malia had it harder in life. That I needed to allow Malia to succeed, to ‘take one for the team’.

And I did. Ialwaysconceded when it came to her because conflict was not my friend. It was better being a little uncomfortable and easygoing than speaking my mind and receiving the death glares as I stood my ground. A full-body shudder rolled through me at the thought of pushing back. Retch. Gross. Not happening.

But deep down, I wanted to throw my own version of a temper tantrum, stomp my foot, and claim the tour guide in front of my entire family. But it was those types of rash decisions that would plant me in my therapist’s office again, my mother demanding a stronger prescription.

“Miss?”

My head jerked up again, horror etched into my features, as I stared at the man and shot him a sheepish smile.Can’t even be caught flirting… nope, always spacing out. Way to go, Lee. Way to go.I had to angle my neck up until it was almost uncomfortable to meet his gaze, those brown irises flashing in amusement as a grin spread across his lips. Oh, fuck, a dimple too? God didn’t make things fair.

“Are you alright?”

I nodded hastily, ignoring my family’s stares. I couldn’t wait to detail him in my journal, the book feeling like a weight against my chest.

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