Page 28 of Autumn at the Cornish Garden Café

‘I hated it.’ He gave a wry laugh. ‘Hated every single day of it and knew I needed to get out and do something I enjoyed. The money was great, yes, but the boredom and the sense of anxiety I had all the time just made it unbearable. And…’ He bit his lower lip.

‘And?’

‘It was my father’s plan and not mine, just like with my romantic life.’

‘Oh.’ Rosa gave a slow nod then turned back to the firepit, not wanting him to feel under pressure to tell her more.

‘My mum is lovely. She’s nurturing and empathetic, but she’s run herself ragged over the years trying to maintain peace. She puts everyone’s needs before her own and even worked as a counsellor for young carers, which meant she was helping people at work and at home. I don’t think her own childhood was great and so she wanted it to be different for me and my sister, Megan, but with my dad it was hard to get the balance right.’

‘What made you decide you had to change your job?’ Rosa asked, feeling that should be a safe enough question, seeing as how he hadn’t elaborated on the topic of romance.

‘That is … complicated.’

‘Sorry. Don’t feel you have to tell me.’

Henry shuffled closer to her and took her hand between both of his. ‘I don’t feel I have to, but I would like to tell you.’

His skin was warm and his hands felt huge compared to hers. Next to him, she felt petite and feminine, protected and alive. It was like all her nerves were firing because he was close. She could smell him, a heady combination of mint, geranium, and something else … ambergris. The scent was fresh and rich and warm, and she wondered if it would smell even better if she were wrapped in his arms with her face against his warm neck.

‘I was in a relationship from my early twenties with a childhood friend. Shona was also the daughter of my father’s golfing buddy. She was raised to be highly competitive, and this seeped into all areas of her life. When we were in our twenties, it was exciting and fun and I thought it would be fine, but as I got older and started to feel like I couldn’t stay in finance, the cracks in our relationship grew. Shona wanted everything to be perfect. She had our lives mapped out, from our career paths to our wedding to how many children we would have and even what their names would be. Now, for her, that was comforting because it fed her need for control, but for me … It was terrifying. I felt trapped and hemmed in and like I couldn’t breathe some days. I’m quite easy-going and went along with it for a while, but then … when I thought about changing career and becoming a teacher, she was very negative. She said teachers earned little, and she wanted money and a big house and holidays and private schools for our children. It dawned on me that I was living her dream life and not my own, and when it hit me that this was the case, I knew I had to change something.’

‘But it’s hard leaving a relationship, right? Whatever’s going on, walking away from what you know is difficult.’

‘Incredibly difficult and I didn’t want to hurt her. I cared about her and the thought of ruining her dream wasn’t one I relished.’

‘So what did you do?’ Rosa watched his face, the way a tiny muscle in his jaw twitched and his eyes closed for a moment as he remembered.

‘I kept trying at work, but then one day, I could barely get out of bed. I knew I had to change something. She wasn’t happy when I told her I was going to train as a teacher, whether she liked it or not, but she stayed with me and we kept going. I got a job and started teaching in London. Shona’s plans had fallen by the wayside by that point and there was a distance growing between us. I knew there was, but I didn’t know what to do about it because I felt responsible for creating it. Then, a few years into my new career, I was on a coach taking some pupils on a trip when I saw her with another man. A mutual friend from school. They were coming out of a hotel in the afternoon, holding hands and laughing, and as the coach passed them, they kissed. Of course, I was unable to get off the coach, so I sat there and tried to make sense of what I’d seen. She’d been staying out a lot, claiming to be with friends or her parents, and she’d apparently holidayed with friends too, but I think I was too afraid to delve deeper because of what I could find out.’

‘I’m sorry, Henry. That must have hurt.’

‘It did but not as much as it would have done had I carried on living a lie. I’d made some changes and so had she, but while mine were career orientated, hers involved finding a new man.’ He laughed, then sighed. ‘What can you do, right? I loved her, but was I in love with her by the end? Honestly, I don’t know. I cared about her and didn’t want to hurt her and I think that she didn’t want to hurt me. She just didn’t know how to end things when it came down to it. And that was three years ago. It takes a while to accept that things are over emotionally, and then when you own a home together, there’s all the things to sort out financially and practically. It meant that things dragged on for a bit before we could finally say goodbye. I carried on in my job in London until one morning I woke up and realised I didn’t have to stay there. As a single man in possession of a good fortune… I must be in want of a new life.’ He winked at her. ‘See what I did there?’

‘I do!’ She laughed.

‘So I realised I could live anywhere and started looking for jobs and … here I am.’ He squeezed her hand.

‘And where is Shona now?’

‘Married with a baby on the way. We still speak on the phone now and then, but it’s like we’ve only ever been friends. I don’t think she was ever my person, nor I hers, but we got together young because our fathers were friends. Shona needed a level of control over life that I couldn’t cope with. She even hated me reading so much because she said it took me away from her and from planning things.’

‘That’s not good.’

‘I know. I mean … reading is something I enjoy, it relaxes me and gives my mind a break from everything else, but she didn’t want me escaping into books or cluttering her home with them.’

Rosa shuddered. ‘I couldn’t live with someone who said that to me.’

‘It wasn’t great. But now I can read all I want and buy as many books as I like and it’s wonderful. Any future partner will have to love books as much as I do.’

He held Rosa’s gaze as he released her hand so he could stroke her cheek, then cup her chin. He moved closer, his eyes on her mouth, then he kissed her; she barely felt their lips touch because the kiss was so gentle.

‘Books are life,’ she said, her eyes fixed on his mouth.

‘Books are everything,’ he replied, then he kissed her again, this time sliding his hand around the back of her neck and tangling his fingers in her hair.

When he released her, they gazed at each other as if seeing for the first time. Rosa felt breathless with desire and affection and also with surprise. She liked Henry but hadn’t really believed things between them could progress like this, but it seemed he liked her too. And yet he had things in his past that could make him hold back — as did she.

‘What about you?’ he asked. ‘Do you have any history of relationships that made you wonder if you ever wanted to settle down?’

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