Page 61 of All Her Broken Pieces

All these thoughts fill my head, making it difficult to concentrate on anything. The only thing that’s ever seemed to quiet the voices in my head telling me that I’m not enough and too much at the same time is a night of mindless fucking, where I can focus solely on pleasure and touch.

I haven’t worried much about work these past few weeks, and I’m starting to wonder if it’s because of Ethan. I can recall countless times since I met him when my brain has been overwhelmed with paralyzing thoughts and how his touch quieted the tempest churning in my head. In fact, the night we met was the quietest my brain had ever been.

Admitting that to him feels too raw, as if my entire soul is bare and on display. Knowledge is power, and I’ll be damned if I give anyone that kind of power over my heart.

Sitting on the bed, I push down my swirling thoughts, hover over my laptop, and resume going through emails. It’s early afternoon, and I don’t have much time left before Ethan gets home.

I mean, gets back. Not home. This ismyhome.

Ethan’s running the lunch service today, having only agreed to go back to work after I assured him I’d be fine working from home on my own. It took him three days of hovering while I sat on the bed stuck in random work Zoom calls about the merger before he relented and started picking up shifts at the restaurant. However, this is my first full day back at work and sitting here for most of the day has been more exhausting than I expected it to be.

Thanks to his truth or dare win, I’ve had to come to terms with our living arrangement. Having lived alone most of my life, I’m not used to sharing a living space, and it’s taken some getting used to. I only have a few more weeks before I get my apartment to myself again and can settle back into my usual routine. Although, it has been nice to wake up to a cup of the most delicious coffee I’ve ever tasted. And having my own personal chef hasn’t exactly been a hardship. I’ve even incorporated some of the tricks Ethan picked up in his research into my nighttime skincare routine.

When I really think about it, dating someone like Ethan wouldn’t be so bad if perks like these were part of it.

I hear the apartment door open, and Ethan’s heavy footsteps echo down the hall.

“Hi, sweetheart. How’d it go today? Have you even left this spot? You’re exactly where I left you.”

“I still have a couple of hours of work to get done before I can call it quits. No rest for the wicked,” I say, my eyes never leaving the computer as my fingers fly across the keys. Thetap tap tapfrom my pecking fills the silence between us as I feel Ethan’s gaze on me.

“I got you something.”

“What?” I say, half-listening as I finish typing a formula into the cell of my spreadsheet. Looking up, I notice a small gift bag in his hand and an eager smile on his lips.

“This is for you.”

I take it from his hand, holding out the bag in front of me like it’s an animal that’s going to bite me. “What’s this for?”

“Open it.”

Pulling out the tissue paper, I notice several animal-themed face masks, a gift card for a food delivery app, and a bag of sour gummy candy. Looking up at him, he holds out a bottle of white sparkling grape juice he’d been concealing behind his back, and I can’t contain the laugh that slips out as I dump the contents of the gift bag onto the bed. “What’s all this?”

Grinning, he sits on the bed. “It’s a care package. I Facetimed with my sister Erin yesterday, and she suggested it. I saw her before work, and she helped me pick out everything. I know you’ve been frustrated being cooped up here, so I got you a de-stress kit.”

“I…” I trail off when one of the animal masks catches my attention, and I get lost reading the back of it.

“The grape juice is because you still shouldn’t have alcohol, and this way, we can drink bubbles while we wear face masks. I noticed you were almost out of candy in your pantry, and you seem to go through sour gummies when you’re stressed. You can use the gift card to order lunch when I can’t be here to cook for you. And when I told Erin about your love of skincare, she picked out the masks. I figure we can put them on tonight and watch a movie.”

“But the animals?”

“She’s nine. She thought they were cute.”

Holding them up, I declare, “I get to be the cheetah. Do you want to be the kitty, panda, or puppy?”

“Surprise me.” He beams and flashes me the dimple, seeming pleased that I’m going along with his plans for the evening.

“What’s on the menu tonight, chef?” I ask absentmindedly as I put the masks in the bag and turn back to the screen, determined to finish this spreadsheet before dinner.

“Fuck, it’s kind of hot when you call me that.”

“Doesn’t an entire kitchen staff call you that when you lead service?”

“Yeah, but I don’t want to fuck them.”

I can feel the blush painting my cheeks as I ignore his comment. It’s getting harder and harder to convince myself that I only want to be this man’s friend.

____________

---