Page 51 of All Her Broken Pieces

“Oh, Ethan, that’s not on you. You were just a kid.”

“I know, but I didn’t understand that back then. My dad barely finished high school and went to trade school with me in tow most of the time. And when he started working, he picked up as many jobs as he could to pay the bills, and I ended up staying with neighbors. I grew up thinking that adults always left.” My voice cracks as my throat clogs with emotion. Fuck, I’m not about to cry in front of her. Not because I’m embarrassed, I have no problem expressing my emotions, including crying. My concern is that she’ll assume it’s a tactic to manipulate her.

Bridget doesn’t say anything, just moves her hands from my shoulders to encircle my neck as she leans in to hug me, her chest flush against mine as our breathing synchronizes. Her sweet scent surrounds me, calms me.

“I think I’ve been angry at him for most of my life. He works hard to provide for our family, and I get that now, but as a kid, I wanted to spend time with him. Nothing I did was ever helpful enough until my sisters were born. Then I poured myself into helping my stepmom raise them.”

“You surrounded yourself with people who needed you.”

“Yeah, I guess I did. I never really felt like my dad needed me, but my stepmom and sisters needed me, so I focused my attention there. Dad was more involved with all my sisters too, so I felt like… like…” I struggle to find the right words before Bridget speaks.

“Like you had to prove yourself to earn his love?”

“Yeah, now who’s in whose head?”

She lets out a huff of a laugh as she leans back and looks in my eyes, her arms still wrapped around my neck. “I know a lot about having to prove myself.”

“No one should have to earn love from another person,” I say, careful to hold her gaze so she understands that regardless of the men she’s been with, I’m someone who will love her freely should she choose to accept it. “You alone are worthy of love and respect. There’s nothing that you’d have to do to earn that from me.”

“I… uh…” She drops her head and arms, crossing them over her body. “Just friends,” she mutters under her breath.

“To be clear, I’m not saying I’m in love with you.”Yet, I think to myself because fuck, I could see myself falling in love with her. My hand lifts her chin, forcing her to look at me. “I believe that if you love someone—a friend, sibling, parent, whomever—you should tell that person you love them and often. You never know who hears it enough, and everyone should know they are loved by the people in their lives.”

“That’s beautiful, but not everyone can put themselves out there and share their emotions so easily,” she says bitterly.

“Then I’ll do it for those who can’t. I’d rather people know that they matter to someone. That they matter to me. It can make a difference for some. I’ve seen how shitty people can be, and I never want my people to think that they don’t matter in this world.” I think about all the shitty things I’ve overheard people call Lizzy when they thought I was out of earshot, and I’d die before I let any of those words take root in her head.

I can feel the tension in her body as she takes in my words. Not wanting her to feel any more uncomfortable, I ask, “Truth or dare?”

“Well, if I’m going to catch up to you, I’m going to have to start sharing some more truths, as much as it pains me.”

“Tell me about a relationship you’ve had and what you would have done differently.”

Still straddling my lap, she takes a deep breath and clearly thinks through what she wants to share with me. “I dated this guy in college named Brad. He was nice, but I always felt like he was with me for my study guides.”

“Study guides?”

“I’m extremely detail-oriented, and I organized all my notes into these study guides that I used to prepare for tests, quizzes, midterms, and finals. It kind of became the thing I was known for, and I had people asking me to sell them at one point. Brad and I weren’t together long, but we never really went out on dates. At first, I didn’t think anything of it. We’d stay in, watch movies, order takeout. We were poor college kids, so it didn’t raise any red flags. We had a few classes together, so we’d study a lot. I’d share my notes with him, but I didn’t share my study guides. They were important to me. I wasn’t going to just give them away.”

“Shit, did he take your study guides?”

“He tried. It was the week before finals, and I couldn’t sleep. Brad was spending the night, and I rolled over and couldn’t find him. When I walked out to the living room, I caught him taking photos with a digital camera.”

“Of the study guides?”

“Yup. Is it sad that I walked out there hoping he was taking pictures of my underwear or something equally creepy? Like that would’ve been better than the way he went behind my back and stole the one thing I hadn’t given him.”

“Please tell me you kicked Brad in the balls.” I try to ease the tension as her words feel like they hold a double meaning. I hope that the only thing he took from her was her study guides.

“I confronted the motherfucker and made him hand over his camera. He argued with me before caving and giving it to me. I destroyed the SD card and dumped his ass so fast. I should’ve known better. We started dating before midterms, and this incident took place before finals. He was just using me. And that was the last time I let a man take advantage of me.”

“What’s an SD card?” I ask, hoping to ease the tension.

“Fuck off,” she says teasingly.

“Why do I get the feeling that Brad’s not the only one that used you like that?”

“Fuck, you’re nosy. I already answered your truth and your follow-up questions,” she gripes as she shifts nervously in her seat. “I feel like you owe me extra points.”

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