“He would never betray your trust like that. That one is as loyal as they come.”
“Good to know the apple fell far from your tree,” I retort as I absentmindedly rub my stomach.
“I deserve that.”
“You didn’t tell me how you got my address,” I demand, unwilling to spend one more minute of my life catering to this man.
“I overheard Ethan talking to Ashley back when he was helping you after surgery. He said the girl he was seeing lived a block from his restaurant. I tried to google you, but I didn’t find anything, so I figured I’d walk the blocks around his restaurant.”
“You’ve been walking around his work, hoping to run into me?” I don’t know whether I should feel flattered or stalked.
“He doesn’t know I’m here.”
“Whyareyou here?” I question, my eyes narrowing.
“I know I hurt you…” he begins.
“I gave you everything. Every piece of me. And you didn’t deserve it.”
“I didn’t.”
“And now I’m broken, feeling like I can’t let anyone in, like I can’t trust anyone. Because of you, I closed myself off so no one else could take from me what I wasn’t willing to give.”
He looks down for a moment before speaking again. “I’m so sorry I hurt you, that my choices caused you so much pain. I didn’t think about how it would affect you, and I should have. I made a lot of shitty decisions in my life, and hurting you was one of them.”
“I’m who I am despite what I went through, despite what you did to me. I gave you several firsts that you didn’t deserve. But all Ethan did was give. His time. His understanding. His love. And somehow, you’re still fucking with my love life over twenty years later.”
“The bad decisions I made in my youth shouldn’t steal your future joy. Despite how he came about, Ethan is one of the best decisions I’ve ever made, and I’m so incredibly proud of the man he’s become. He deserves to be happy. At times, I feel like he raised me. I was a kid having a kid, and I had no clue what the fuck I was doing. But despite my shortcomings, he was a good kid and an even better man.”
“How are you not bothered by all of this? I’m in love with your son, for fuck’s sake.”
“I’m not the same man since I fell in love with Ashley. She brings peace to my life. She grounds me and brings me joy in a way I’ve never known, even after all these years together. Everyone deserves a love like we have, especially you and Ethan. I’ve seen him grow since meeting you, and you pulled him out of his grief when none of us could. I’m not justifying my actions, but you and I weren’t a good match for each other. We were kids with a lot of growing up to do. Even at twenty-three, Ethan is a better man than I was at that age.”
“I can’t believe you’re standing here trying to convince me to stay with your son.”
He laughs ruefully. “It’s not my job to tell you what to do or how to feel, but he loves you. He doesn’t deserve to pay for the sins of my youth. And neither do you. Maybe we were meant to go through what we did so I could raise the perfect man for you, even if I couldn’t be it. Maybe that’s how I atone. You don’t have to trust me, just him. Don’t punish him for the sins of his father.”
The wind picks up, whipping my scarf around me as I stare at him. His words cut me but have landed their mark. But I’ll be damned if I ever give him credit for any of that.
“Just think about it. He loves you.” He clamps a hand on my shoulder and squeezes it once before he walks away.
Since I’m also headed in that direction but don’t want to walk after him, I stand there a minute and let his words sink in. I need to respond to Ethan. I can’t go on ignoring him forever.
I blow out a breath, a cloud of water vapor rushing out of my mouth in the cold air as I turn and head to the drugstore.
The journey back to my apartment is a blur. I’ve never been more excited to take a test, and that’s saying something since I was an excellent student.
Tapping my fingers on the counter, I lean over my vanity and stare at my reflection in the mirror. While I don’t notice any changes in my appearance, it’s obvious that the past couple of weeks have been weighing on me. There are bags under my eyes, and they’re puffy from crying. The timer on my phone dings and I turn it off, bracing myself as I flip over the stick.
Negative.
When my period starts a few days later, I’m relieved, but also overcome with a feeling of melancholy when I realize I’m truly alone. There’s nothing tying me to Ethan. No reason to reach out to him.
Fuck.
Lying on my bed with the heating pad pressed to my abdomen, I bury my face in my pillow and scream as I unleash every emotion I’ve contained over the past few weeks. Hell, over the past twenty years. A lifetime of hurtful words that nicked me come flooding through my thoughts, smashing all the pieces left of my heart.
“You’re not good enough for a guy like Henry.”