Page 13 of All Her Broken Pieces

“No woman who says they’re fine is honestly fine, me included. I’m not ready to talk about me and Robert. Are you ready to talk about what’s bothering you?”

I sigh. “Work is a lot lately. I’m under a lot of pressure because of the acquisition, and I’m extremely stressed. Sex helps me relieve that stress.”

“I get that, but maybe it’s time for more?”

“Why do I need a man when I have you? Your friendship means more to me than you know. And men? They’re fun to play with. I’m not interested in a relationship or starting a family. I’m thirty-eight now. I’m pretty sure that window is almost closed, and I’m totally fine with that.”

“Are you? You know I’ll support you in anything you choose whether you want to have a family or not.”

“I’m not sure I want marriage, but I know I don’t want kids. You’re my family. I don’t feel any kind of internal clock urging me to reproduce. I already have what I need. You. And work. And a great apartment.”

“Bridget, you’ll always be my family, but as long as I’ve known you, you’ve never been in a relationship. I’ve never seen you have a boyfriend. I’m not even sure I’ve ever heard you mention other friends.”

I start to open my mouth to protest, but she stops me.

“Coworkers don’t count.”

“Fine. It’s true, you’re my longest relationship. So?”

“And it took me years to annoy my way into your life. I mean, I love that journey for us, but why is that? Why don’t you let more people in?”

I steel myself for this conversation. “Do you remember how I told you that when I was younger, someone broke my heart?”

“Breadcrumbs, Bridget, you’re giving me breadcrumbs.” I give her a look to let her know that I’m serious, and she bites her lips and nods for me to continue. “Sorry. I remember that shithead you dated briefly in college, and I think I remember you saying you dated an asshole in high school, but you’ve never shared more than that with me, just that men suck and that’s why you don’t date.”

I huff, peeling at the label on my coffee cup. “I was cheated on and publicly humiliated. After that I swore I’d never give another man that kind of power over my emotions.”

She squeezes my hand. “Naturally. I’m so sorry that happened to you.”

“I’m not. I learned young that men cannot be trusted and that relationships are a waste of time. I nearly let that guy in high school derail my entire future. And why?” My voice is louder than I intend, and I look around the coffee shop in case I’m causing a scene.

Becka leans in. “Because you loved him, right? And he betrayed you. I know you don’t let a lot of people in, and I am grateful you trust me. But you do know that not all men are like that, right? Despite our rut, Robert is a great man. There are good ones out there. And if a relationship is something you decide you want one day, I’ll support you. I just don’t want to see you end up alone unless that’s your choice. But I also don’t want to see you overlook someone who could be good for you just because someone else hurt you.”

“I’m not alone, I have you. And I can get on an app and have anything I want delivered. I can get a ride anywhere I want at the push of a button. And if I get desperate, I can find someone for a night. I’m fine.”

“Fine. But promise me you’ll give Ethan a chance.”

“Where is this coming from? Did you not just hear my speech? I don’t need a man, I have apps,” I say, wiggling my phone in my hands.

“It’s cute that you think that, but I think he could be good for you. Try with him, please? Worst case, it doesn’t work out and you go back to your apps. Best case? You get more mind-blowing sex and maybe he turns into a worthwhile companion. You can always break it off if it’s not for you. Just try, that’s all I’m asking.”

“Why are you pushing this?”

“Because I’ve never seen you…glowabout a guy before. You’ve shared a lot of your sexcapades with me and never have you been this excited about it. And you’ve shareda lotof details. So many details. But also, I know how hard it was to become part of your life. I spent years knocking through your walls like the Kool-Aid Man. I bet there are dozens of Becka-shaped holes in all those walls you keep around you. And Ethan…” She pauses and takes a sip of her drink. She does this to me all the time. Hooks me in with some epiphany and then makes me wait for the rest of her thought. “He seems like someone who’d smash through your walls too. And I love the idea of you having someone else in your corner.”

“I admit the sex was amazing. Fuck, it was the best sex I’ve ever had. What if I never have sex like that again with anyone else? What if it’s all downhill from here?”

“And that’s exactly why you should keep seeing him. Keep having more amazing sex with him and see where it goes. There must be a reason you two are so compatible sexually.”

“He listened to me, Becka,” I confess quietly. “All of me. Not just my words, but my entire body. It’s like he was tuned in to every word, every little movement I made and learned what I needed and gave it to me. If I told him to go slower, he did. Speed up? He did. You know how some guys rush through everything? Ethan took his time. I came so many times I lost count.”

“Youlost count? Miss Queen of Numbers? Damn, girl, if that’s not enough to convince you, I don’t know what is.”

“But that’s exactly why I can’t see him again.”

Becka looks confused. “I’m not following.”

“I lost count. Ineverlose count. Numbers are my safe space, and he pulled me out of it. He’s exactly the kind of guy that I could get attached to, but when I get attached, I get hurt.”

---