Page 41 of Refuge for Flora

A soft hand fell on his, and he realized he’d been bouncing his heel on the floor and clenching and unclenching his fists. Between the nervousness of speaking of the whole thing, the pent-up rage, and the sadness, it just happened without thinking about it. But her hands clasped his to keep them still and their eyes met. “You don’t blame yourself, do you? You know this has nothing to do with you, right?”

“I know. She, he, even said so, that it was all him, that it had nothing to do with me. At one point, she said she never should’ve married me because she knew there was something different about her but she didn’t know what. Do you know how much that hurt? To have the person you love tell you they never should’ve married you? It’s excruciating.”

“It has to be hard. I can’t even imagine.” She moved to sit beside him on the sofa, and he was glad. The heat radiating from her body was soothing to him. It had been a while since he’d been that close to a woman. “How do your folks feel about this? His folks?”

“My parents hate him for hurting me. His parents won’t even talk to him. That’s one of the reasons I haven’t completely pushed him away. He has no one but me.”

“Even though that’s unhealthy for you,” Flora pointed out.

“I know, but he… God, this is all so fucked up and crazy.” Naked and exposed. That was how he felt in that moment, the man whose wife had disappeared into a different body.

“Okay, look. Let’s think about this for a minute. Where does he work?”

“At one of the machine shops out the other side of town.”

“Has he always worked there?”

“No. After the surgeries, he went to the vocational school and got some training. Said he wanted to work a man’s job, whatever the fuck that is,” Barrett spat out.

“So he has a good job. Doesn’t he ever go out with the guys he works with?”

“No. About three nights a week, he’s at my doorstep.”

“I think you should stop letting him in.”

Barrett sat there for a minute. “But he’ll have nobody. What if he hurts himself, kills himself, because he lost me too?”

“You’re not responsible for him. He made this choice, and you need to make some choices that will keep you healthy. Barrett, you’re a really great guy. You deserve so much better than sitting around, playing besties with a man who used to be married to you as a woman. It’s fine to stay friends. It’s another thing entirely to be best friends, especially when it’s causing you this much pain.” Was she able to see it? It certainly seemed that way. “Barrett? Talk to me.”

His eyes sought hers out again, and he wanted to kiss her, to make love to her, to sleep beside her, to wake up next to her in the morning and give her a smile and a peck on the cheek. Instead, he clasped his hands together in fear, afraid that touching her would drive her away. “Flora, do you believe in coincidence?”

“No. I do not.”

“Neither do I. I think you were put in my life for a reason.”

She nodded. “And I think you were put in my life for a reason. Now it’s up to us to figure out what that reason is.”

A wave of need swept through him and he took her face in his hands. “I want to find out.” The instant their lips touched, Barrett felt whole again, every cell in his body shivering back to life. “I want you, Flora,” he whispered to her. “I need you.”

“I need you too.”

It would be the most courageous thing he’d done in three years. BarrettLeland Quarles was either going to set his world right or set it on fire. As soon as he could get her to the bed, he’d know which, but in the moment, he really didn’t give a shit. If it destroyed him… He couldn’t be more destroyed than he already was. When he stood and took her hand, she rose with him and let him lead her down the hallway.

“You can have this bathroom. I’ll go out to the bathroom in the hallway. If you need anything, just yell.”

The corners of those beautiful lips crept upward into a winsome smile. “I’m sure I’ll be okay in there.”

“Like I said, if you need something…”

“Got it. It’s okay, Barrett, really.” He turned to leave and heard her ask, “You do have condoms, right?”

“Yes.” A thought crossed his mind. “Of course, they’re so old that they may crumble.” Flora started to giggle and it made Barrett laugh. “I guess it’s possible! I mean, they expire, right?”

“They do! Guess you should probably check them!” Her giggles had turned to full-blown laughter.

“And if they’re expired, then what?”

“I haven’t been with anybody in a long time, Barrett.”

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