Page 38 of Petals for Deadly Power

And then, while the pain didn’t leave his breaking, perforated hands, while his knees hit against the metal wall of the navia . . . It was then when the visions hit his mind.

No, not visions. They werememories.

Memories he had buried so deep they never chased his conscious mind anymore. Memories that now lived in his nightmares.

He hadn’t been more than ten when he found his mother hiding in a room in the Organ House. His father said she would come back soon, but he hadn’t believed him. Jake never believed him. When his mother’s eyes met his, her body shook vigorously. She was crying, and when Jake asked her why, she only shook her head. Her lips—the beautiful lips that kissed him to sleep, the soft lips that spoke words of strength—were sewn together.

His heart had seemed to stop when he got closer and saw black thread tracing the wordsSHUT UPover her lips. He couldn’t take his eyes off them, his own body shaking as if the worst panomquake had shaken his world. As if a panomquake of rage, pain and frustration had hit his life.

The pain in his hands, the product of the ordeal, reminded him of his real, present surroundings. The East bitch was playing with his mind, but his body was still on the wall of the navia.

He wasn’t in that room anymore, hugging his mother for hours while tears fell on the floor. No, his tears were now falling into the Radel Sea.

He didn’t need to see to climb faster. His path was upwards. As he climbed, another memory solidified, courtesy of the Harming Cardinal. A memory that hurt so much it left him breathless.

The sarcastic, ready-for-trouble grin of a young man with dirty blond hair. Next to Evan was Atlas, her permanent raised eyebrow looking at him with a nostalgic side smile.

The first two people Jake had called friends. The first people without his blood that he had felt comfortable and safe with. The first people who seemed to care about what he felt, what he thought, what he wanted. Evan and Atlas were the first to make Jake feel like he was more than a piece of crap waiting to be thrown away. Like he was more than the heir of the Organ House. He was aperson.

He hadn’t been allowed to say goodbye to the first and last people he had called friends. One day, he was planning the next escapade with them. The following, their mutilated corpses had been left on the floor of his room for Jake to find as the ink from his father hit his skin.

Jake roared against the wall of the navia, his fingers not curling as his hands were destroyed, the pain from this memory harming him more than any crystals could.

He wanted the ordeal to be over. Heneededit to be over. He didn’t stop climbing, but he couldn’t see how far above he still had to ascend. He couldn’t see reality yet.

He could only see images of moments of his life overlapping. Every time he had been Harmed, every time he had been hurt, every time he had felt hopeless, frustrated, or desperate. Every time he hadn’t felt loved, every time he had cried, every time he had been lonely or frightened. Until . . .

There. The moment he understood he had to welcome pain to his life to continue living. The moment he greeted the pain instead of looking away from it.

It had been centuries since his tears had been dry, since he had been feared, since he had discarded, since his heart had hardened, since his hate had fueled him, since he had distanced himself from the world.

Endless images flashed in Jake’s mind at the speed of panom powers, his breath jagged as he knew what came next. He had to climb to the top. He had to make it before the East Cardinal could make him relivethat.

Between clenched teeth, he spoke. “Do you want to harm me? Harm away. Let's see if you can find the bottom of my well. I've dug deeper than any being could imagine. My pain is bottomless, my suffering immense. You, Cardinal, will not be my end.”

His distraction was useless—red fire waves filled his mind as Jake let out a violent scream. He couldn’t see again Lenna’s exposed chest as his father brought the Red Lawful Stab to her skin five times. He couldn’t relive it.

“Leave her alone! Get out of my fucking mind!”

His hands were soaked from the force and speed at which he pinned the crystals, crossing his flesh up and up the wall. How much fucking higher could a Cardinal-cursed wall be?

Lenna’s screams and sobs from back in the throne room echoed in his mind, each painful sound hurting him more than if crystal shards went through his heart. He was going to lose his mind.

Faster he climbed, the regret of not having stopped his father from hurting Lenna threatening to kill him.

Hewaslosing his mind. His woman hadn’t been shouting his name in the throne room.

25

Lenna

“Jake!”

The courtrades had told her Jake was somewhere here.Somewherebeing the smallest, shittiest platform Lenna had ever seen.

She was going to fucking kill him for not telling her he was going to his ordeal.

There was nowhere to hide here, and he very muchwasn’there.

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