Page 20 of Wanting Happily Ever After

And she’d meant it when she’d said it. But that was only a few days ago and despite how absolutely sure she’d been at the time, her resolve was already weakening. Every time she closed her eyes, she could remember the feel of his lips on hers. The scent of him filling her senses, the taste of him and how such a small, simple kiss had awakened something in her that she had never felt before.Never.

Sarah released a long breath. No matter what it was she thought she was feeling, now wasn’t the time to let herself go down that rabbit hole. After all, she had stuff to do, because Brody would be arriving soon and there were only minutes left before she got ready to face the scene of Josh’s death for the first time.

Mentally, Sarah chastised herself.What was wrong with her?

The last thing she should be thinking of was how her deceased husband never made her feel the way Brody did and how badly she wanted him to kiss her again.

She shook her head and tried to focus on what was about to happen.

Sarah once more looked over the pile of things by the door. She had everything they could possibly need for a trip to the beach.

It will be fine.

She took another breath and told herself again.

It will be fine.

It was like a mantra she seemed to have on constant repeat.

What if it wasn’t fine?

Before she could stop it, the panic crept in.

What if she got there and it was all too much? What if Rory remembered?That was dumb. She’d only been a baby; she’d never remember that day.But what if she felt it? What if Rory could feel her dad’s spirit there? What if she could? What if they went in the water and—

Sarah shook her head and forced herself to stay calm. She could not let herself get worked up with thewhat-ifs.

It will be fine.

She slowed her breathing and repeated the words until finally she believed them.

Standing on Nicole’s porch earlier in the week, she’d been emboldened and it had all seemed like a good idea. A day at the beach. Fun. No problem. After all, her sister-in-law was right—she couldn’t avoid the lake forever. Especially on a hot summer day.

Still.

Maybe it hadn’t been a good idea.

Sarah leaned against the wall and covered her face with her hands.

“Knock, knock.”

She pushed up with a jump and fiddled with her T-shirt as Brody walked through the screen door.

“You okay?” He raised an eyebrow and watched her carefully for a moment. “What’s going on?”

She nodded and shook her head all at once, the action making her laugh. “Yes, I’m okay and no, nothing’s going on.” She was lying and they both knew it.

He leaned in and moved to give her a kiss on the cheek, but before he could, she quickly stepped back and put distance between them.

Brody raised an eyebrow, but didn’t say anything as he glanced down the hall.

“She’s getting ready,” Sarah said.

Brody nodded, his eyebrows raised as he took in the pile of things she’d gathered. “Do you think you have enough stuff?” He chuckled and shook his head so he missed the way she rolled her eyes.

“To be fair,” Sarah said in defense of herself, “it’s been awhile. I don’t really know what I’ll…” Her thought drifted away as tears suddenly pricked at her eyes. “I’m okay.” She nodded, willing herself to believe it. The truth was, she’d barely slept the night before. Sarah had never considered herself an anxious person. Even after Josh died, she’d never suffered from any kind of anxiety. Which was why it was so ridiculous that she was worked up about a day at the beach with her friends. It would be fine. Everything would be fine.

Brody pulled her in for a quick hug.

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