Page 51 of Escape to the Sun

“The man in the other car died on scene.” He couldn’t even look at her as he spoke; he knew what he’d see in her face. “They airlifted Carlie to the hospital but the internal damage was too much. By the time I got there, she was gone.” He heard Heather gasp, but still didn’t look because he wasn’t done. “At the hospital, they gave me this plastic bag with all her things in it. There was her purse and her cell phone, of course. But there was something else. The reason she was so adamant that I didn’t cancel on our date. The special thing she wanted to talk to me about.” He didn’t even have to close his eyes to relive the moment. It would be forever burned in his mind. “The sonogram picture of our baby. She was four months along. She’d written Happy Anniversary on the top. It was her gift to me, to tell me I was going to be a dad. And I destroyed it all. I destroyed my family. And all because I was too stupid to know what my priorities were.”

“It’s not your fault, Ash.”

“But it is.”

“No.” She put her hands on his face and forced him to look at her. “It wasn’t your fault. It was an accident.”

He shook his head. She wasn’t the first person who’d tried to tell him that. Not by a long shot. “I didn’t tell you this so you’d feel sorry for me.” He reached up and took her hands in his.

“Then why did you tell me?”

The look on her face told him that she already knew what he was going to say.

“Because you need to understand that I really enjoy spending time with you, Heather.” She nodded. “But I vowed a long time ago that I’d never do that again.”

“Do what? Love? That’s ridiculous, Ash. It wasn’t your fault. What happened with your wife was a tragic accident. That’s all. You think that by keeping your heart closed off, you’ll never have to hurt again? That’s bullshit.”

“No.” He shook his head. She didn’t understand. She didn’t understand at all. “It’s not about me, Heather. Carlie died because of me. Because she loved me. I won’t let that happen again.”

“You won’t let someone love you again?” Heather chuckled, but she wasn’t smiling. She stood, taking the blanket with her. “You might sit there and think you’re protecting someone else by closing your heart to love. In fact, it’s possible that you’ve told yourself that story so many times that you even believe it now. But it’s bullshit, Ash. And this is why.”

He reached for his shorts and tugged them on before sitting again. Heather clearly had something she needed to say and he had a feeling that he wasn’t going anywhere until she got it all out.

“Are you so self-centered that you think you get to decide who gets close to you?”

He didn’t answer.

“Do you really think that just because you’ve decided not to love again, that no one will fall in love with you?”

“That’s not what I’m saying.”

“That’s exactly what you’re saying. And I have news for you.” She crossed the floor and stood in front of him. “What happened to your wife was tragic. It was terrible and devastating, but it was not your fault. Sure, you might have been a different guy back then with a fucked-up set of priorities. But that didn’t make the accident your fault. It made you an asshole.”

He grinned at her boldness. And because she was right.

“She didn’t die because she loved you.” Her voice was softer. Ash stood so he was directly in front of her. “You can’t stop people from falling in love with you. And if you try, you’re only hurting yourself because no matter what terribleness life has thrown at you, no matter what type of heartbreak you’ve been through in the past, there will always be the potential for love. The real tragedy is allowing yourself to believe otherwise.”

There was so much passion in her words, her voice, her body. Ash reached out and cupped her face with his hand. “What are you saying, Heather?”

“Exactly what I just said. The potential for love always exists. I believe that.”

They stared at each other for a moment, neither of them speaking. He couldn’t help but think she might be right. Not that he loved her, necessarily. After all, it was too soon for that even if he was open to it, which he’d just finished explaining to her could never happen. But maybe… He shook his head and pulled away before he could allow himself to finish the thought.

“Okay, so now you know where I’m coming from.” He heard her sigh, felt the puff of air on his face.

“I do,” she said slowly. “Thank you for sharing that story with me. It couldn’t have been easy.”

He shook his head.

“And I get it.”

“You do?”

He expected a number of reactions from her, but that wasn’t one of them. “I don’t expect anything from you, Ash. But thank you for telling me the truth. Trust is so important, no matter what the relationship is. Or what’s going on between two people.”

It might have been the choice of her words, or the truth of the situation—which was that she shouldn’t trust him at all—but a tight knot formed in his gut. When she kissed him again, her lips were soft and sweet. It pulled even tighter because he knew that despite the fun they were having, no matter what she said, he couldn’t be the man she thought he was. The man she needed him to be.

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