This is just like before when the town whispered I'd ruin his career. Just like when I let him go, so he wouldn't have to choose between me and the game. Just like when I wasn't pregnant. I never got the chance to not hold him back, because he was gone, and I was already a ghost in his rearview mirror.
And now, he just looked happy. It's like the idea of leaving didn't cost him a thing. I sit for a long time letting the reality of the situation wash over me in waves of disappointment. Then I hear footsteps, and I pull my walls up around me.
"Anny," Fallon says, voice low and frayed at the edges. "I've been searching this whole damn ranch. How the hell did you get out of here so quickly and without tripping a single camera?"
I don't look up. "You didn't think to tell me that you're considering packing your bags all over again?"
"I just found out. I didn't expect you to be hiding in the damn doorway."
I cut my eyes at him. "You didn't tell me you wanted it. I thought you were home for good, like a total idiot. But the joke's on me. You were so excited," I whisper. "It’s like I was watching you slip out of my hands in real time."
"I didn't mean?—"
"But you did," I snap, finally turning to face him. "You meant every word. Every smile. Every 'this is what I've been waiting for.' And it was never me."
He swallows hard. "That's not true."
"Isn't it?" My voice is shaking. "Because I didn't hear my name once. Not in your smile. Not in your plans. Not even in your hesitation."
His eyes fill with something like regret. But he doesn't deny any of it. How could he when we both know it's true?
"Stop it—" He starts, but I don't want to hear the bullshit.
I cut him off. "I can't do this again. I can't be the thing someone leaves behind because something shinier comes along. I don't believe in us," I say, finally letting the words free. "Not anymore."
He flinches. "Don't say that. You are jumping to so many conclusions, and you're wrong, sweetheart. I know it's hard for you to believe, but it's true."
"You say you want to take care of me, but the truth is, you're still the guy who runs when things get too real. You ran before. And you're already doing it again." I shoot back at him.
"I'm not running." He folds his arms across his chest and frustration etches in the pinched lines on his forehead.
"You're leaving. I didn't stop you then, and I'm sure as hell not going to stop you now."
That lands like a punch. Fallon shakes his head and fury flashes in his eyes… but he doesn't argue. Maybe he can't because he knows I'm right.
"I'm not going to get into this with you when you are acting crazy. Cue the Miranda Lambert playlist because this is insane."
He steps toward me, but I back up. There's no fight left in me this time.
"I hope you get everything you want, Fallon. I just wish I weren't stupid enough to think I might be part of that."
And then I turn and walk away. It's my turn to leave with my dignity intact. He calls my name, but I don't look back. I know Fallon and I will have to talk at least once before he leaves, but it isn't going to be right now.
I make it all the way to the big oak behind the hay barn before I’m sure I’m alone and my knees give out. I drop to the grass and finally let the tears fall. Big, ugly, silent sobs escape me. I bury my face in my hands and curl into myself. I ache in places I didn't even know were still breakable.
"You know, crying under trees is becoming a pattern with you."
The voice startles me. I look up to find Patty June standing there, a basket of fresh eggs balanced on her hip.
"I don't need a lecture," I manage, wiping my face.
"Good, because I don't give 'em." She puts her basket down and lowers herself onto the grass beside me with a grunt. "What I do give is perspective."
I sniff. "I'm not in the mood for old-lady wisdom right now."
"Tough shit, sugar." She gives me a look that would wither most of the ranch hands. "You think you're the only one who's ever loved a man with a wandering spirit? Hell, girl, I married one. Thirty-seven years with that man, and he was gone half the time."
I draw my knees up to my chest. "So you're saying I should just accept it? Be the woman waiting at home while he chases his dreams?"