Page 74 of Friends Don't Kiss

“Oh, don’t you worry over that. I made a fresh batch,” she answers with a sweet smile, meeting my gaze. “Also cleaned the dirties. Tidied up the cupboard. You know.”

At that moment my accountant, Emma, comes in. She catches the last of Ms. Angela’s words. “I keep telling him he could use a female touch around here,” she says. “Hi, everyone. I got yogurts and fresh eggs for you, Colton. I’ll put them in the mini fridge, don’t forget to take them home.”

Willow sighs audibly. Chris rolls his eyes. Grace told me all about the drama with Emma a while back. I don’t want to get into it. But I don’t want drama either. “I wasn’t expecting you today,” I tell her.

She stiffens as she places an egg carton and little glass jars of yogurt in the fridge. “You’re welcome anyway. And you’re right, I’ll see you next week.” She turns to the audience as she walks back out. “Just trying to be nice,” she snaps.

Luke—who doesn’t have an appointment either—holds the door for her, giving her the once-over.

“She’s a good accountant,” Chris offers once Emma’s gone.

Ms. Angela tut-tuts. “How were the trails last night?” she asks. The room falls silent. Luke perks up, Chris chuckles, Willow and the rest pretend to be fascinated by their phones or their cuticles.

If Emerald Creek ever needs a motto, it should be:Hide from the gossip and the gossip will find you. “I’ll get started on your oil change, Lynn,” I say as I grab her keys, then take refuge in the bay.

Around lunchtime, everyone who was there this morning is finally gone without having gotten a word out of me about how I spent last evening. And I send Kiara the text message I’ve been mulling over for hours.

twenty-seven

Kiara

It’sthefirsttimesomeone has given me flowers, and I’m not sure how to describe what I’m feeling. It’s like a warm blanket, but inside. Something that radiates to my outer shell and pulls my lips up slightly. This feels deeper than a simple smile. Time has stopped still and it’s only me and the flowers in the bubble of my cozy home.

I smell them again and turn them just so, until they capture the morning sun in the best possible way. Adjusting the focus of my phone’s camera, I snap a picture. It doesn’t even need filters. Golden motes give the flowers a dreamy halo. I could spend all day looking at them, lost in their beautiful, complex, almost messy perfection.

I need to refocus. This whole evening with Colton, this whole fake dating turned into real dating, which could in turn become losing my best friend, emphasizes how life is constantly changing.

I should know this. Things turn on a dime. One day you’re part of an okay family, the next you’re homeless. One day you have a solid friend, the next you have a messy situation that only gets messier as deeper emotions and lust invite themselves to the party.

I know what he’s doing. He thinks he’s showing me the right way to do things—the respectful way to have a relationship—and I get it. In his mind, this is what’s happening. But for me, it’s a slow reeling into Colton’s fold that will leave me with nowhere to land once it’s over. Nowhere to go to but inside the deep layers of my loneliness.

Just once with Colton would have been perfect for me. An infinite moment outside time, not to be repeated, not to build unrealistic expectations upon. A one-time to treasure for the rest of my life, without any heartbreak to go with it.

I could have walked away, at the lodge. Staying felt like facing down a double black diamond, the exhilaration growing as you anticipate the thrill of carving on ice, the dance with the mountain as you sometimes let it carry you and sometimes make your own decisions, using gravity to your advantage, letting it pull you down or slow you down. You might not be totally prepared for it. You never are. You might take a bad fall, one you can’t get back from, and meanwhile the blue slope was right there in all its boring safety. Or it might be the best run of your life. You’ll never know unless you try.

I didn’t know what to expect last night, and it was one of the best evenings of my life. Seriously.

I wasn’t prepared for being carried out of deep powder in a fireman hold. For hot chocolate under the stars, next to a roaring bonfire.

I wasn’t prepared for flowers and stolen glances outside the window. And sexy smiles just for me and… winks! He winked at me, and I swear, my center reacted in a very pleasant way.

And certainly, I wasn’t prepared for a speech on how to have a successful, lifelong relationship that sounded like a confession. Like something that Colton had thought about in the context of being with me and deemed important to share on our first date. He knew my fears and he attacked them head-on. Showed me he understood where I was coming from, but that didn’t mean I shouldn’t trust him.

And now here I am, and I feel a little lost, and a little eager, and a lot scared. Facing down the double black diamond.

What if the answer is to seize the moment, and keep tomorrow’s heartbreaks for tomorrow? I’ve never been so uncertain about the next step in my life. What if—

My phone dings with an incoming message on the dating app.Nigel.

Nigel: What day are you available?

Me: For what?

Nigel: …

Nigel: For another date

My heart skips a beat.This is it.This is the point of no return.

---