Page 46 of Friends Don't Kiss

But Colton seems a little upset, so I direct my thoughts back to him. “I wouldn’t forget you either,” I say. My voice shakes a little. “As for leaving…”

He crosses his arms. “Yeah?”

“I’m not sure Emerald Creek was the right move for me.”

Frustration, maybe even anger, radiates from him. He was the one who convinced me to come to Emerald Creek. I add quickly, “I mean, at the time, it was. Definitely. And I’ll always be grateful to you for that.” Our eyes meet in the mirror, emotion threatening to creep up. Five minutes into meeting me, and he already believed in me. Introduced me to Chris, who took a chance on me. “But now…” I focus my attention back on my hair. God, I look like an old doll who got a haircut from her bratty owner armed with dull scissors. My hair hangs in limp strands that don’t even have a proper bounce. It’s like everything’s giving up on me. Thank god for mousse.

And for vibrators, since Colton is not on board with this V-card thing. Looks like he has his limits, and sleeping with me is a hard one.

“Now?” he prompts me.

My hair finally looking good and strong, I grab my makeup. “I’m stuck,” I answer. “Not in Emerald Creek,” I add quickly. I love that small town—it’s the best that’s happened to me in my life. “In my career. I’m just adding small jobs and it’s…”

He looks a little hurt, and I get it. He feels responsible for what I’m feeling now: disappointment in myself. What he should feel, is proud of the way he helped me when I was down. “Colt, it’s not like that.” I look at him through the mirror, sensing rather than really seeing his tension. I set my makeup pouch down, but don’t quite get the courage to turn and face him. I’m disappointing him, I can tell. First the virgin thing, now the fact I didn’t make it the way I should have. “I thought by now I’d have my pastry shop. Or at least if I was going to cater to restaurants and bakeries, a legit space. Something professional to call my own. Abusiness.”

From the group we formed at the incubator, I’m the only one still working for others. I’m the only failure. It’s no one’s fault but my own. I know what I need to do: I need to have a big name on my resume. When I go see a banker for a loan, I need to be able to say I won some famous award or worked three years with a star pastry chef. I wouldn’t mind a partnership with one of these guys who made it big. I’m not so infatuated with myself that I need my own name on my storefront. Owning a high-end franchise would suit me just fine.

“And you think leaving Emerald Creek is gonna do that for you?”

“Remember this pastry training in France I told you about? The sort of accelerator for pastry chefs I applied to?”

His face doesn’t move, if you exclude a nerve twitching at the edge of his right eyelid.

“What?” I say.

“And who’s gonna bake pastries when you’re gone?”

I blink several times. I hadn’t thought of that. “They’ll be fine without me.”

He doesn’t answer, just stares me down.What?It’s true. Chris initially gave me a job because Colton asked him, not because he was hiring. Now I’m training Willow, who was his shopkeeper, and I bet she could do just as well alone as she does when I supervise her.

Then there’s the restaurant, Clover’s Nook. They bring me in once or twice a week to bake for them. I’m not sure how much they depend on me—I’m going to say they wouldn’t really feel the difference if I were gone. They might have to resort to simpler desserts that their chef could totally do on her own.

Emerald Lake Resort, the third place I work at, might be in a little bit of a bind, given that they think they’re high-end and need stuff that only I can make in the area, but I don’t give a shit. I don’t like management there. Money is the only reason I keep working for them.

“We’ll be fine without you, huh?” Colton asks.

It doesn’t escape me that he includes himself in the generictheyI used. I suppose no one but me would bring the guys pastries twice a week, andthatthought depresses me a bit. “Totally.”

“Okay, then,” he says, the bitter set of his chin telling a different story. And what’s up with that? I’m about to ask what the fuck he’s upset about, but in the last few hours I’ve asked enough of Colton for a whole month—make that a wholeyear.I’m not starting a fight with him because he thinks I should "think positive".

I know I don’t amount to much. His positivity might aim at making me feel better, but right now it’ll do the exact opposite: expose again what a failure I am.

Turning back to the bathroom mirror, I do my eyes extra smoky so the dark circles look like they fit right into the vibe I’m going for. Colton pushes himself off the doorjamb and the TV starts again. His scent floats, leaving me wanting and wishing he’d said yes to the V-card thing.

I don’t really get his point. Was he in love with the first girl he was with? We’ve never had those conversations, and I wonder why. But now that I think about it, he never brings up his ex-girlfriend, Valerie. Maybe he’s still in love with her, and that’s why…

The thought twists cruelly in my belly. Maybe that’s it. Yeah, that’s totally it. His commitment issues come from a bad breakup. It would have to be with Valerie. I think she was the only serious girlfriend of his I heard mentioned. And she’s back in town. That has to mean something.

Colton’s previous relationship occupies my brain all through brunch. I summon threads of conversations and mentions of his ex I’ve heard over the years and filed away as unpleasant but necessary. Now it appears vital to me that to understand Colton, I need to understand where he stands with his ex. They lived together for a few months; that much I know. Since Valerie, he hasn’t had a steady relationship. I should have paid more attention to the circumstances. Asked more questions.

sixteen

Colton

“WhydidyouandValerie break up?” Kiara asks out of the blue on our way home. During brunch I played the part of the loving boyfriend, but the way she felt under my touch tore at me. I don’t know if I’m more upset at her for wanting me to help herget it over with—I hated how it sounded like something to cross off her to-do list—or if it’s because she thinks she wouldn’t be missed if she left Emerald Creek.

How did we fuck up so majorly that she doesn’t feel at home there? Does she really think her asshole family (except Bill and Eloise) comes anywhere close to us in the way we feel about her?

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