Page 52 of Going Solo

Cole was saying something. I pretended I hadn’t noticed, which was incredibly petty but feltso good. He waved a hand in front of my face, and visibly annoyed, I slid one of my headphones slightly behind my ear.

“Just lining up the promo,” I said. I wasn’t.

“Doesn’t the computer do all that for you?”

It did. I stumbled. “It’s pretty old tech in here. I don’t trust it. I like to double-check everything.”

“Perfectionist, huh?” He grinned. “I guess you guys really do take… pop… seriously.” Cole said it exactly how our promos say it—and I realised he must listen to the show. My body tingled with a numbness normally only achieved around forty seconds after a killer puts a plastic bag over your head. Outside, a ring of security guards held back Cole’s fans. An enormous crowd had gathered. A gaggle of photographers and reporters leaned over the railings. They’d been salivating for this moment for a decade. This was the first time Cole and I had been seen together in public not just sinceMake Me a Pop Star, but since they knew our truth. My heart thumped so hard I could feel my butthole pulsing against the chair like it was trying to eat it. Teenage Toby and professional Tobias were crashing together irreparably, live on air, and I despised Cole for that.

I pressed play on the ninety-second promo. Cole and I listened to it go out—the early audio fromMake Me a Pop Star, Dorinda Carter announcing the Go Tos winning the show, the chorus of their first single, “My Daydream Girl.” Cole smiled, enjoying his trip down memory lane. Nick’s pre-recorded voice-over shifted from the early hits and tours through to Cole’s troubled years. I watched as the light faded from his eyes, disappearing into memory, and I knew in that instant that Cole had been to some dark places. Then, the gear shift. A grab of “Genevieve” and a voice-over about Cole coming out and becoming a successful songwriter. The smile returned. Then, finally, Cole going solo, and the release of “Reborn”—the soaring synthesised strings of the song creating a wall of sound in the studio.

“Good work,” Cole said. He turned and gave Nick and Fiona a thumbs up. “Good work,” he repeated.

I pointed at Nick, who leaned back and flung open the van door. “Let’s have a bit of noise!” he shouted to the crowd. They obliged.Tap.I turned our microphones on and drifted up the fader on the external atmosphere mic, so the audience at home could hear the Kenneddicts going wild over the end of the promo.

“Cole Kennedy, welcome toPop Review,” I said over the crowd, putting a smile that wasn’t there into my voice. Outside, the fans continued to go bananas.

“Thank you, it’s special to be here. I’ve been looking forward to today for a long time.”

“The start of your first solo tour?”

“Well, that, of course. But no, I mean coming onPop Review.”

That wrong-footed me for a second. “That’s right, this is your first time on the show.”

“It’s amazing, when you think about it,” Cole said. “I was in the biggest pop band in the world for ten years, and somehow, I haven’t managed to get back onPop Reviewsince you took over as host.”

Cole smirked. He was playing with me. Like a cat. Inmystudio. Oh, I wasn’t having this.

“Well, you’re a busy man with a busy schedule. We won’t hold it against you. You’re here now. And with a hit debut single, a bestselling album, and a sell-out world tour. You seem to have done OK withoutPop Review’s help.”

Nick glared at me through the glass. His voice came through my cans. “Play nice.”

“Are you ready for tonight?” I asked Cole.

“Of course. The team and I have been working hard on this show for the fans, and I think?—”

“You rehearsed much later than expected last night. Are you confident everything will come together? The bit I heard sounded well sketchy.”

Cole raised his eyebrows.Touché,they said. And possiblyGame on.

“Absolutely. We worked hard to get everything nailed down last night, to make sure the show is perfect for the fans. I wish you could have come along to watch the rehearsal. I think even the exacting Tobias Lyngstad would have been impressed.”

Cole sipped from his cup of water, maintaining eye contact throughout.

“This is your first tour since going solo,” I said. “How different is it this time, being on the road without your little friends?”

Cole spluttered into his water, and it dribbled down his chin. He wiped at it with the back of his hand. It was incredibly satisfying.

“I absolutely love Joey, Yosh, Taylz, and Chase. They’re my best friends. I hope they’ll get along to one of my gigs on this tour, but I know they’re busy. Of course, it’s different without them, and I miss them. We’ve been through a lot together. They’ve seen me at rock bottom. They supported me through everything. You don’t forget how people treat you in important moments like that, Tobias. It’s moments like that you know who your real friends are.”

This was all-out war.

“You came out five years ago now. Why did you finally decide to stop lying to your fans?”

Nick was in my cans again. “For fuck’s sake, behave, you daft bawbag.”

“I owed a lot of people the truth,” Cole said. “Including myself. I’d only begun to explore my sexuality when the Go Tos happened. I wasn’t sure of who I was. But as time went on and I became more certain about who I was, I wanted to share that with the fans. I pulled the trigger on the truth gun, and I have no regrets. The fans have been super supportive.”

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