Page 55 of Going Solo

“If I never see you again, it’s been great, pal,” Nick said.

My legs were jelly. “Come with me?”

“Absolutely not. Dav is back at the hotel. If he’s finished writing his review, I’m going to bury my face between his sweet brown arse cheeks and devour him like a pair of Tunnock’s Teacakes.”

“That’s… a lot of information, Nicholas.”

“To be clear, I will not be taking calls, answering text messages, or rescuing your useless orange bahookie. I have had enough Toby time for today.”

“You think about the colour of people’s butts a lot, do you know that?”

“Go!”

* * *

It was a mansion. There was, thankfully, not a paparazzo in sight. Fiona ushered me in, deposited me in a sitting room, and left. Between her coolness, Nick’s annoyance, and Denzil’s “fix it,” I really was in the naughty corner. The room was colour-drenched in a deep blue, with tan leather couches, dark wood furniture, and brass lamps. It felt like one of those high street barbershops that look flash through the window but, when you get inside, smell like toxic masculinity and aggressively stale smegma. I could hear Cole’s voice up the corridor but had no idea who he was talking to. Security, maybe? Smart to keep them around. There was less chance of me murdering him with witnesses about. Especially given his driver and security guy, Mitch, was built like a bomb shelter. I checked my reflection in the mirror above the fireplace and realised my hands were shaking. I’d spent a decade imagining what I’d say to Cole if I ever got him alone again. Having missed my chance to go for his throat in the green room the day before, it felt like the moment was finally here. But not only was I required to be on my best behaviour, I was trembling so much my voice had all the resonance and authority of Tiny Tim singing “Tiptoe Through the Tulips” after half an hour trapped in an industrial freezer.

The door opened, and Cole stuck his head through. I spun around to face him.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hey,” I squeaked, and cleared my throat. “Hey.”

For a moment I thought Cole was going to hug me again, but he must have thought better of it.

“Thanks for coming.”

“Of course.”

The tension in the air was so thick, it got held back a year and its parents had to cough up for a tutor. My heart was thudding. A wave of emotions washed through me—hate, fear, residual first-love vibes, contempt, awe.

“Can I get you a drink?” Cole asked. “Are you hungry? Marcel is doing his mac and cheese if?—”

“Mac and cheese again? The guy has a Michelin star.”

“I know, but it’s, like, really good.”

It was on the tip of my tongue to ask “Does Marcel also say ‘Here comes the aeroplane,’ or are you old enough to shovel it in for yourself now?” but I stopped myself. I was under strict instructions to fix things. And I was hungry.

“Sure, why not?”

Cole smiled and shouted up the hallway for Marcel to bring two servings. He offered me a drink. My choices were water or a zero per cent IPA. I took a sparkling water. Cole indicated for me to sit, and I sank, gratefully, into the tan leather armchair. It had the patina of age and smelt the way cologne ads tell you real men should smell—like dead cow. Cole drifted over with our drinks and sat down on the end of the couch nearest my armchair, under a massive painting I suddenly realised was an actual Hockney.

“Who are you renting this place from, Noël Coward?”

He passed me my water. “Isn’t it cool?”

“Great show tonight,” I said. “Genuinely.” If I was there to fix things, a complimentary truth was a good place to start. Star pupil, me.

Cole’s face lit up. “Really?”

“I can’t fault it. It was everything the fans deserved.”

“Thank you, that means a lot to me. I know you take this stuff as seriously as I do. It makes your praise more worth earning.”

I rolled my eyes and leaned back in the chair. “Fame has made you a smarmy creep, I see.”

Cole edged forward, elbows on his knees, looking earnest. “Listen, could we start over? Clear the air, at least, before we head to Manchester in the morning? I don’t want this energy hanging over us the whole tour.”

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