Page 53 of Going Solo

Outside, the fans cheered. I cleared my throat to ask my next question, but Cole got in before me. “Some of them even think I’m still marriage material.” He gave a thumbs up and a smile to the crowd outside. A scream went up. This was a drive-by shooting. An execution. My heart literally fell out of my arse and rolled across the floor in search of a place to hide.

I heard the click in my ears that told me Nick was about to speak. “You had that one coming, you nugget.”

I returned to Cole. “Tell me about the album,” I said, reading a question from the approved list to help get things back on track. “It’s more of a rock sound than we’re used to hearing from you.”

“You’ve listened to it?” Cole’s eyes lit up.

“I’m paid to listen to it.”

“What did you think?” He looked like a kid seeking approval from the deadbeat dad he only sees every other weekend.

“I think this is probably what happens when you ‘let Cole be Cole,’” I said. “I suspect this is the album you always wanted to make.”

Cole smiled, his eyes alight. “It is. You know it is, Tobias. I always wanted to write my own songs and share them with the world. This album sounds likeme, you know? I’ve been on a journey of self-discovery these past few years. Learning who I am. Coming out was a part of that story, and so is this album.”

I couldn’t stop myself. “Imagine the decade of music we could have had if you hadn’t found yourself a part of the Totally Records sausage factory.”

Nick glared at me. Fiona had her head in her hands. I’d so nearly got it right.

“I learned a lot with the Go Tos,” Cole said. “I will always be enormously thankful toMake Me a Pop Starand Totally Records for the opportunity and for the platform they’ve given me. I wouldn’t be the same artist without them. I wish them nothing but the best. And, Tobias, you love the sausage factory. Don’t pretend. I listen to this show. You’re as much a part of the sausage-making machine as I am. We’re just a couple of silly little sausages, whether we admit it or not. And I think we’ve been very silly for a very long time.”

It took me a second to recover my balance. “Nevertheless, ‘Reborn’ seems like a clear two fingers up to everything the sausage factory stands for.”

“I think you’ve missed the point of the song. ‘Reborn’ is about freedom, about finding your voice. It’s about self-expression. Identity.”

“In which case I’m not sure I have missed the point of the song.”

“It’s a positive song. It’s looking forward. Your interpretation is backward-looking and negative. You’ve got it turned about.”

“How can you sit there and pretend the song isn’t about escaping your contract with Felicity Quant?”

“Because I choose joy, Tobias. And if you’re wallowing in the past, you’ll never find it.”

Our eyes were locked across the desk. A thousand things passing between us, unsaid.

Behind him, Nick gave me the wind-it-up gesture. I blinked, looked at my screen, and lifted a fader up.

“Well, good luck tonight,” I said. “I’m sure it’ll be a memorable gig for everybody here in Glasgow.”

“You’re coming along, yeah?”

“Of course.”

Cole smiled. “Great!”

“I’m being paid to go.” I couldn’t help myself.

Cole rolled his eyes.

“Cole Kennedy, thank you for being our guest onPop Review.”

“Taking… pop…seriously?” Cole said, sarcasm dripping off the last word.

Tap.I hit the button on a three-second sweeper that would play straight into “Reborn.” I turned off our mics, and the red on-air light went dark. Fiona opened the studio door.

“I’ve half a mind to bang your bloody heads together,” she said, sounding every bit as no-nonsense as Orla would have.

“That goes for me too,” Nick added.

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