Page 25 of Going Solo

“It went fine. He’s happy for me. Said he’d love me no matter what. These old Catholics can surprise you sometimes.”

“That’s brilliant. How do you feel?”

“Amazing. I feel free. Genuinely free. Like nothing can hurt me now. Like I could take on the world. I didn’t realise how much stress I’d been carrying around.”

I squeezed Cole tighter than I’d ever squeezed him before, sharing in his relief.

“Congratulations, babes. I’m so proud of you.” My lips found his. Tenderly at first, then more hungrily. I kissed him and held him and loved him like Iknewhe was my forever. A little while later—exhausted, spent—we fell asleep in each other’s arms. I had no idea it would be our last night together.

* * *

The next night, as I’d predicted, Emily and I were knocked out of the competition. We gave it our best shot, but neither of us was surprised. To be honest, it was all a bit of a blur. I remember Mum and Dad hugging me in the wings when I came offstage. I remember Dorinda Carter asking me a few questions, the camera right up in my face. I don’t remember any of them except the one where she asked, “Everyone wants to know what happened between you and Cole. Did you fall out or something?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about?” I said, in a daze.

From the green room I watched the other contestants perform. Only seven of the sixteen acts would go through. In a shock to precisely no one, Cole’s group sailed right through to the live shows. My heart ached as I watched Joey, Yoshi, Chase, Taylor, and Cole jumping up and down onstage, hugging each other, tears streaming down their excited faces. They deserved their success, but envy boiled inside me. It had so nearly been me. I’d been one fuchsia fingernail away from all my dreams coming true.

The producers hauled the failed contestants and our parents off to somewhere deep in the bowels of the hotel to sign paperwork. There was always so much paperwork, so many things to sign. I didn’t care what the contract said, the disclaimer said, the non-disclosure agreement said; I wanted to go home. I didn’t bother reading any of it. I left that to Dad, while Mum came with me to collect my stuff from my room. I opened the door, hoping Cole might be there. He wasn’t. I was so heartbroken andsotired. I’d finished packing when Mum’s phone rang.

“Orla! Where are you, babes?… Uh-huh… You’re joking?… Are you winding me up?… The bloody cheek!”

I looked at Mum. She put her hand over her phone, like it was the 1980s and she was covering an old-fashioned receiver. “They’re mugging you off, bubby.” Mum had the same look she gets on her face when the Salons Direct rep comes around and tells her the price of dry shampoo has gone up again. She uncovered her imaginary receiver.

“Well, I ain’t having it, babes… No, that sounds like a plan… We’ll see you there in five.”

“What’s going on?”

Five minutes later we burst through a heavy fire door and marched across an underground car park towards Orla and Cole. Cole lifted his head, our eyes met, and he ran across the car park towards me. I ran to him. He threw his arms around me.

“They wouldn’t let me see you,” he said.

“What’s that about?”

“They don’t want us to see the eliminated contestants. I don’t know why. They won’t let us go back into our rooms until you’re all gone. I’m only here cos Mum told them she was taking me out for a hot chocolate before she heads back to Suffolk.”

It was unbelievable, yet I wasn’t surprised. I buried my nose in Cole’s armpit, breathing in the smell of him. The leather, the sweat, the Lynx Africa. In the corner of my eye, I saw Mum giving Orla a hug—these two amazing women who had conspired to give their sons a few precious minutes together to say goodbye.

“Congratulations,” I said. “I’m so proud of you. You’re going to be a pop star.”

Cole leaned back, loosening his grip. He raised his eyebrows. “You mean a rock star.”

“I think you’ve misunderstood the point of the show, babes. The clue’s in the name.”

Cole shrugged. “I plan to leverage it.”

“I knew you were smart.”

He kissed me on the forehead, rubbing a hand up and down my back. “You were great tonight. Are you OK?”

I felt a lump in my throat that I couldn’t swallow. I tried to clear it. “When will I get to see you again?”

“I have no idea. It looks like they’re going to keep us locked down during the show. We’ll figure something out. I promise, I will message you every day.”

“You promise?”

“I absolutely promise. I will message you every single day.”

Cole hugged me tightly. I hugged him tighter still.

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