Page 20 of Going Solo

I’d added a vocal flourish to Bill Withers’s “Lean on Me.” It was not my first mistake of the day.

“I thought?—”

“You’re not here to think, mate.”

No, I was here to win, and I needed to do something to stand out. Bafflingly, my prepared song, Robyn’s “Dancing on My Own,” had landed me in Johnswagger’s group. It meant I got to hang out with Cole all day, which was lush, but Robbie and I were not a good fit. We were three days into our ten-day-long group stage boot camp, and so far, I had managed to do nothing to impress him, nothing to stand out, and nothing to earn me a place in the live shows. I needed to do better.

“Never steal focus, it’s a golden rule,” Robbie said. “Cole is singing this part. You’re background, mate. Don’t get in the way.”

“Sorry, I?—”

“Never mind.” He rubbed his fingers over his forehead in what I took to be frustration. “Let’s all take a break for an hour, yeah?”

Indira, the producer I’d met on the day of the auditions, raised her clipboard.

“Before you all disappear, I have some exciting news—Dorinda is here!” A cheer from the boys. “She’ll be doing one-on-one interviews with you all, just to ask how you’re enjoying the group stage. She’s in the courtyard garden with crew number two.” Indira pointed at me. “Toby, you’re up first.”

I nodded, then looked over at Cole. Partly to apologise for standing on his solo, partly to check in. He smiled, flicking a hand over and linking his pinkie finger in mine for a nanosecond before letting it drop again.

“Cole, can I borrow you for a minute, son?” Robbie said.

* * *

In the courtyard garden, Dorinda Carter was all smiles. I was genuinely pleased to see her. She swallowed me up in a bosomy hug, then stood me on my mark. The cameraman called, “Rolling.”

“Toby, how are you enjoying the groups so far?”

“It’s intense, innit?” I said.

“But are you loving it?”

“They’re a great group of lads. It’s a lot of fun.”

“You looked pretty surprised to be chosen for Robbie’s group, why was that?”

“Obviously Robbie is amazing, and it’s a privilege to get to work with a rock legend.”

“Uh-oh, I can hear a but coming!”

It was clear the “but” wasexactlywhat Dorinda wanted to hear.

“I’m not going to lie, I’m a more natural fit for Johanna’s group. You know I love my girly pop, my Scandi-pop. I’m not exactly a rock and roller. But I’m in Robbie’s group? I can’t get my head around it.”

Dorinda’s eyes sparkled.

“It means you get to spend more time with Cole, though. You boys have become close, haven’t you?”

This alarm bell could not have rung louder in my head if I’d swallowed the clock on my bedside table. Although it was common knowledge Cole and I were friends, we didn’t want anyone on the production to know we were shagging like rabbits every opportunity we got in case they split us up or sent us home. We were a duty of care nightmare. But, more than that, Cole was still not out to his dad, so we couldn’t risk it becoming a narrative for the show.

“We’ve hung out a bit,” I said.

“Do you think he’s going all the way?”

Ideally, you want the presenter of a television show on which you are a contestant to ask you ifyou’regoing all the way, not if another contestant is going all the way. It was becoming abundantly clear to me Cole was the big favourite back in the Totally Television production studio. Felicity Quant had recognised his talent; she was going to make him a star.

“He’s extremely gifted,” I said. “He’ll be huge someday.”

“What would it mean to you to be in a group with Cole for the live shows?”

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