Page 23 of Sinful in Scrubs

I guess what had happened between Marcus and me had successfully done its job since I had all but forgotten about the grave results of last night’s failed emergency surgery. I let out a heavy breath.

“Yeah, sorry. Still… still on edge. Still really raw. I’m not exactly sure why I reacted this way. I mean…”

I rested my elbows on my desk and buried my face in my palms.

“I mean, like somebody who’s never lost a patient before,” I groaned. “I don’t know. I reacted more like a resident than a staff surgeon. It was wholly unprofessional of me.”

“It was wholly human of you,” she pointed out.

She was in the chair across from me, leaning forward as she spoke.

“There are just some things we cannot brace for. It doesn’t matter how prepared you think you are—because when stuff goes sideways, it’s going to go sideways whether you want it to or not.”

I tried to chuckle. She was right. There had been no way that I could have expected last night’s surgery to end the way it had—either with what happened between me and Marcus or with what happened to that kid on my table.

“You do the best job you can,” she continued. “You put forth maximum effort every time, and something will still sneak around and bite you in the ass when you least expect it.”

I chuckled a little at her choice of words. I didn’t know if what I had dealt with was a bite on the ass or a full-on chewed-up, spit-out, and ground-into-the-dirt situation. Either way, it didn’t feel good.

“I think you should make an appointment and go talk to Terry,” she continued.

Terry was the hospital’s resident staff counselor. Our jobs were hard, and when Manhattan Memorial began its renovations—including rebuilding the atrium and overhauling the cafeteria layout—they also renovated how they supported their staff and brought in Terry to help staff cope.

I understood the need for someone like Terry, especially in emergencies where you needed to talk to someone right away. Probably what I should have done last night instead of turning to Marcus. But I pushed that thought down. It was done. It was over. It was never going to happen again. I needed to get over myself because I did have to work with the man, and I was going to have to face him at some point.

But in all honesty, I was concerned that if I went to Terry, it might somehow get back to administration, and they’d question my ability to continue this job.

“It’s completely confidential. You’re not putting your job at risk,” Sarah said, as if reading my mind.

After another long pause, I sighed.

“Okay,” I said. “I’ll give her office a call.”

“Good.”

Sarah slapped her palms against my desk and stood.

“I’ll walk with you.”

“Don’t I have to make an appointment and see if she’s available?”

“Already taken care of.”

With an inward groan, I got to my feet and walked around the desk to where Sarah was waiting for me. She looped her arm through mine and escorted me from my office.

We walked arm in arm for a couple of yards before the hallway split, and I had to go one direction to see Terry while Sarah needed to head back to her rounds.

She turned to me and fidgeted with the collar of my blouse, like some mom preparing to send her kid into school. “Please go see Terry. Don’t brush this off.”

“I will, I promise.” I stilled her hands with mine. “I promise.”

“Remember, I’m the only one who knows you’re going to see her right now. It’ll just be you and her. It’s completely confidential. Unless you’re doing something grossly illegal or someone’s personal safety is at risk, it will stay between the two of you.”

“Okay,” I said.

Sarah stared hard into my eyes, waiting for me to nod. I did, not wanting to make her strain her brain trying to convey a psychic message to me. I turned away from her as we parted and froze. I thought I caught a glimpse of Marcus retreating down the same hallway I needed to walk down.

I held my breath and waited, making sure he didn’t turn around or say anything to me.

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