The kid was in bad shape. We triaged as we ran down the hall to the ER. There was no time to fuss over assessment procedures. The kid had serious internal bleeding, and the clock was ticking.
I loved how we operated like a well-rehearsed choreography. Working with Marcus was some of the smoothest time I’d spent in the ER. We were on the same track, anticipating each other’s needs. Our support teams were completely synchronized. We couldn’t go wrong.
Marcus reached his hand out as I went to hand him the hemostat. He paused and then waved me off.
“What’s the matter?” I asked.
“I don’t like the look of this. I need options,” he barked out.
“You don’t need options. You need to stop the bleeding,” I reminded him. “Okay, options, we need to bring the kid’s body temperature down and get this bleeding under control.”
As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I held my breath. Kevin had hated it every time I suggested lowering a patient’s body temperature. But it only made sense to me. Slow down the body, and we’d have a chance to do what we needed to do. If nothing else, it would slow the patient’s rate of bleeding.
“Right. Let’s get a cooling cap on her immediately. Do it,” Marcus said. He hadn’t hesitated at my suggestion or argued with me. Time wasn’t wasted in a power struggle between us.
When we finished, the patient was stable and sent to recovery. I was overcome with a wave of unexpected emotion. My part was done, but I stayed with the patient until the nurses finished and had the child rolled out of the surgical suite and to recovery.
I held everything I was feeling close. Surgery had been a success. I didn’t want relief to show on my face. I felt that if I let a single crack of emotion through, I would crumble.Surgery had been a success, I repeated again to myself. I counted my breaths all the way to the prep room where I could clean up and have a moment alone.
I finally let out a sigh of relief as I sank onto the bench in the prep room. Surgery had been a success. I wanted to cheer and revel, but my joy was undermined by the sharp reality that the previous week, surgery had not been successful, and I had lost a patient. I sniffed, not wanting to cry.
I pushed up from the bench and turned the taps on. Crossing my arms, I started to pull my top off, and then I remembered Marcus practically chastising me that I didn’t have to strip down to wash my face and arms. He was right. I was feeling vulnerable again, and maybe not being half naked when he, or anyone, could walk in wasn’t the best idea.
I splashed water on my face. More of it got on the front on the scrubs top. “And this is why you take your shirt off,” I muttered to myself.
“You did good,” Marcus’s deep voice cut through my inner reflection. “Are you hanging in there?”
I nodded with a sigh. “Yeah. Just reminding myself that we have more good ones like this than not.”
A tear escaped and ran down my cheek. Marcus reached out for me. I took his hand, letting him pull me away from the sink and wrap me in his strong arms.
“I’ll be okay,” I said. But I didn’t move. I didn’t push away. I let the warmth and strength of him bolster me.
16
MARCUS
“Ithink having your grandparents come down for a visit is a perfectly reasonable thing,” I said into the phone, trying to sound calm despite the growing tension in my chest.
“Dad,” Lily whined. “We’ll be fine. I can take care of us,” Lily replied, her voice laced with that teenage mix of exasperation and confidence. “We don’t need grandma to babysit us.”
“It’s not whether or not you can take care of yourself and your brother, Lily,” I said, trying not to raise my voice. “Your grandparents want to see you, and I don’t want them to think I’m keeping you from them.”
“You know I’m…” She hesitated, her voice softening just a little. “I’m sorry that tonight was the only night they were able to come into town. Since you have to be at the hospital, and you’re on the graveyard shift, and you won’t get to see them…”
I knew what she was trying to say, but that didn’t stop the situation from being frustrating. Carol, my mother-in-law, had a way of turning even the most reasonable arrangements into a battle of judgment.
“It made perfect sense for them to come and spend the night,” I said.
“Yeah, but Grandma’s treating me like I’m a kid,” Lily snapped.
“You are a kid, Lily,” I said, although I softened the words with a hint of a smile she couldn’t see.
“I’ve been taking care of me and Jason just fine every other time you’ve had the graveyard shift.”
“Yes, you have,” I said. “This doesn’t change that.”
“Well, Grandma seems to think it does,” Lily said with a long sigh.