Page 63 of Unmasking You

It didn’t take me a day to forgive him, and I’m not sure I even have, in full. When those memories attack me, I still want him to save me, to side with me, and to protect me. The past cannot be rewritten, and it’s never going to change, but sometimes I wish it could because then our love would be perfect.

But love rarely is.

Sometimes I wish I could turn my brain off and just enjoy a day without thinking, without worrying.

I spent hours after he left, talking with my mum, Ruby, and Alexi. I’ve also spent time rethinking our conversations, measuring every single word and trying to understand if he was lying to me.

Until I realised that he’d never lied to me. He’d avoided me, pushed me away, but not once he did lie to me.

What convinced me to give him a second chance before today, before witnessing his selfless behaviour, was his call with his father, and everything he said about living with him, and what I witnessed myself when he didn’t even ask Shane how he was.

Today, though, sealed the deal. Because no one with a family like his would stay put if others weren’t important to him.

I always thought he was free, rich, and with no problems, but instead he was suffering as much as I was.

I don’t want to think about our past today. Instead, I want to create a new wonderful memory.

After more than a month of texting, I should have asked him for a date instead of asking him to take me home. But I’ve always been weak for a happy, funny, and bold Shane, and tonight he was that and so much more.

I love his brain, I love the way he talked about the kids at the foundation, and I love the project he’s putting in place to help them. Tonight he showed me how much he’s changed, how selfless he is, and how much he’s fighting to keep the place going, even if that means dealing with his father.

Now I understand what his father meant during the call, when he talked about his stupid project, or something like that.

If I hadn’t seen him tonight, talking about those kids as if they were his, it would probably have taken me a long time to trust him again, and to allow myself to acknowledge the feelings I have for him.

“Guys, I’m leaving,” Karl says while standing up. “I have a lot to do tomorrow, before the weekend.” Then he turns to Shane. “Do you still need a lift?”

Alexi takes that as an invite to do the same. “I need to leave as well.” Then he turns to me. “Are you coming with me?”

Shane’s hand lands on my thigh, and if I had any doubts before about what to do, they would have disappeared at the touch. However, I don’t have any doubts. I know where I want to be, and that’s in Shane’s bed, in his arms.

“No, I don’t.” He answers Karl’s question, and his hand grips my thigh a bit harder, as if he doesn’t want to let me go.

He shouldn’t worry, because I’m not going anywhere.

I turn to Alexi. “I’m staying a little longer.”

His smile is full of understanding and his lips curve in a beautiful smile. Sometimes I wonder why he doesn’t have anyone. He’s such a catch, and not as awkward as I am. Maybe now that I’m not so egotistically focused on myself, I should prod Alexi a little more.

“Okay, then. I’ll see you tomorrow.

“Yeah… maybe,” I say with a grin.

Once they’re gone, we look at each other, and we both stand up at the same time. I hope he’s as eager as me to be alone.

We stop at the till and then head outside to catch a cab.

We jump in as soon as one stops, and Shane gives the driver his address. As soon as we’re on the way, Shane takes my hand in his, and I find the gesture reassuring and exciting at the same time.

I don’t look at Shane, instead I look out of the window, still in some way surprised to be here with him. The night is quiet and the world seems to have slowed down. The lights of the city look like stars, and even the traffic seems less chaotic, just like the emotions I’ve had spinning inside me since the last time we saw each other, and long before that. Until Shane takes my hand in his.

I glance at him and our gazes lock, and everything around us fades away. The car seems to fill with energy, and my heart begins to race, making me wish we were at his flat already. There’s nothing more in this moment that I desire more than a kiss from Shane. Our first kiss.

We’ve been here before, but it never felt right, or as right as it feels right now. Only once before we were as close as we are today, and that was ten years ago.

The stolen glances, those quiet and bold touches we exchanged, and his hand lingering on mine, they all led to now. To the now where we’re sitting next to each other, and giving a go to what we missed ten years ago.

Shane lets go of my hand when the taxi stops in front of his building, and I’m pleasantly surprised when he jogs to my side to open the door then holds his hand out for me to take. I do, and I like to believe I’ll be doing this in all our future lives when we meet again.

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