Page 40 of Unmasking You

I should be stopping this, but my body is working against me.

Shane uses the tip of his tongue to caress my lower lip, going right and then left, and my breath hitches at the sensations spreading through my body. My mind is screaming in denial, but my body is captivated by the gentle way he’s kissing me, as if I’m something precious.

I succumb to the demands of my body, and with the next caress on my lower lip, I open up for him, finally taking the kiss I dreamt of when we were sixteen.

His tongue probes gently until it meets mine, and they tangle into a dance that has my senses blossoming.

All the blood that concentrated on my lips at the first touch is now rushing south, and my cock starts filling. I move to make space and rub against his equally hard one.

A cacophony of voices fills my head, and my body reacts to the sounds by going rigid. My limbs are heavy and unable to cooperate, while my mind searches to assess any possible danger. My heartbeat reverberates in my ears, louder with every breath I take, as if I’m getting ready to flee.

Shane is kissing the side of my mouth now, and in a continued assault to my senses, he trails down to my neck.

I use both palms to push him away. “No,” I say out loud, not sure if I’m trying to stop Shane now, or stop what happened in the past.

“Jamie?”

“Let me up.” It sounds so loud in my head, but I can barely hear my voice. “Please, let me up.” I plead with him when he doesn’t move quickly enough.

“Jamie, breathe, please. I’m moving as fast as I can.”

His weight getting lighter on top of me helps me separate reality from the nightmare. I breathe in slowly, like the doctor taught me, and bring myself back from the edge.

When his weight is gone, I jump up, and without looking at him, I walk away.

“Jamie?” It’s his tone that stops me, a mix of worry and pain. He tries to take my hand, but I move away.

“Please, leave me alone.”

I don’t look back.

I wish I could do something to distract myself, as it would help me clear my mind and come to terms with how messy my life is right now. But I can’t show him another part of me. So I go into my office, slamming the door behind me.

Chapter 14

Shane

Is this how I pay for my sins?

One minute he’s in my arms, and the next he’s gone, leaving me as alone as I always am.

The kiss we shared was like nothing I’d ever felt before. Having him in my arms was a gift I never thought I’d receive, no matter how many times I asked or how much I desired it. Just for it to disappear in the blink of an eye, transforming a peaceful cohabitation into a long, awkward moment of silence.

I’ve been here six weeks now, and things are worse than when I arrived. Maybe I should leave and go back to my place, leave Jamie alone and come to terms with the fact that nothing is ever going to change, no matter how much I want it to.

I spend my day on the sofa, pretending to watch TV, while I hope to get a glimpse of Jamie every time he comes out of his office, but that’s a rare occurrence and only seems to happen when it’s time to eat. He seems skinnier than before, and he has dark circles under his eyes. They’re not as bright as before, and his mouth is always in a flat line, which speaks volumes about the tension he’s holding in his body.

He stays as far away from me as he can, and the only words we exchange are the greetings in the morning or the thank you I say when he serves the meals. Other than that, there is only silence between us.

I hear him typing on his keyboard well into the night, and sometimes I wish I could say something to him, as I’m worried he’s not taking care of himself, but it’s like a comet passing through, too fast to stop.

Thinking about him working reminds me I need to go back to mine… and it reminds me I haven’t called my father yet. I sent a text to Karl to let him know that I’m forced in bed after saving Jamie’s dog. Another to my PA to ask her to cancel all my meetings as I was down with a bad flu, keeping me in bed. And I did the same with my mother. She replied, saying she was going to let my father know. After that, I booked a couple of weeks’ holiday… without discussing it with him.

I did it knowing I would pay for my rebellion. However, now it’s time to face the monster.

Maybe I shouldn’t wonder why Jamie avoids me at every turn and why he runs away every time we get close. Because I’m cut from the same cloth my father was, since he is a monster, and so am I.

What a fucking cheery thought. I did everything I could to be different from him, but I still wound up hurting the people I care about.

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