Page 25 of Unmasking You

I turn around to check who’s talking because I’m sure they’re talking about Shane. It’s a tall man, and I recognise the uniform he’s wearing, and next to him there’s a petite woman wearing the same.

“Yes, he’s in triage now, but he’s not conscious yet. As you know, we can’t disclose any more information. This person was with the patient,” she says, pointing in my direction.

I fidget under the stare of three pairs of eyes, but I’m not surprised to see them here or that they’re asking about him.

“Can we ask you a couple of questions?” the tall man says, indicating towards the door so we can step outside and have a more private conversion.

How can I leave, though, when Shane is here? How can I step out without knowing how he is? I take a step back because I want to stay here.

“I’ll come and look for you if there’s any news,” the nurse says with a gentle smile.

I nod, and when the two police officers move, I follow them.

“We’ll be quick,” the tall man says while pulling out a small notepad and a pen.

“Okay,” I say, looking through the door, itching to go back inside to be with Shane. The most difficult thing I’ve done today was let go of his hand.

“What’s your name?”

“Jamie Wilson.”

“Mr Wilson, can you recall the incident?”

“I was talking with a friend, and when his face became as white as a sheet, I turned around. Shane had just picked up my dog because she’d wandered into the road.” I stop as another wave of tears overwhelms me.

It’s my fault. If I’d only checked that her leash was properly attached. If only I hadn’t stopped to talk with Simon and instead walked to the park like Queen wanted.

“I’m not sure how Queen got off her leash.”

“That’s okay. What happened after that?”

“Everything happened so quickly. The car was coming, and I knew Shane wouldn’t have time to jump out of the way. He launched Queen out of his arms just before the car was on him. Oh my God.” My stomach revolts, and I bend over to empty it of the coffee I had this morning.

The memory of the car hitting Shane, his body flying and landing on the ground with a sickening thud, makes me sick, and I keep dry-heaving until my guts are contorting in pain.

“Are you okay?”

How can I be? When someone’s in hospital and his life is at risk because of me?

“Do you need any help?”

I take a few deep breaths, trying to calm my stomach, and use my sleeve to wipe the tears away from my face.

“Yeah,” I say to him, and then continue. “The driver tried to brake and swerve too late, but hit a wet patch and slid, crashing into Shane. He flew into the air for a moment before landing on the car and then hitting the ground. After that, he didn’t move. I shouted at someone to call the ambulance, and now here we are.”

“Is Shane a friend?”

Is he? Can I lie to the police? “Yes, he is.” Yep, I can easily lie to the people who enforce the law.

After that, they ask me to share my personal information in case they needed to talk to me again. Before they go, they tell me they’ll be back to speak with Shane, but only once he’s better.

I watch them go, and then slowly walk around, finding a chair tucked in a corner where I can have another meltdown. I collapse onto the chair, my legs no longer supporting me. My body has run out of adrenaline and just wants to be next to Shane.

The whispered words of the other people remind me of the pain we share, of the prayers sent above to keep the ones we care for safe. The sounds of plastic shoes squeaking across the floor, and the wheels of the machines used to take the vitals of those waiting to see a doctor but aren’t sick enough to be priority... they’re all reminders of the situation I’m in.

I lean my head against the wall, shut my eyes, and clap my hands together between my trembling knees. There’s the buzz of a fluorescent light, probably at the end of its life, but more than that, I hear my heart pounding in my ears.

I wanted him to suffer, but I never thought it would end up like this.

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