Page 21 of Unmasking You

He guides me away, making sure no one else is going to touch me, and once we’re out, Alexi doesn’t ask. Instead, he stops a taxi and helps me in, following me inside and giving my address to the driver.

I sit there, broken, like the threads of a rag doll. Alexi’s stare is impossible to ignore, but I keep my face towards the window, watching without seeing what’s out there because all my thoughts are on Shane’s face.

He looked devastated.

Am I seeing another facet of the mask he constantly wears?

Or has Shane really changed?

Why do I wish it to be the latter?

Chapter 8

Shane

I’ve fucked up again.

Last night, I could have ignored him and had the chance to spend the evening with him. Instead, my impatience bested me, and I forced myself on him once again.

I wasn’t prepared for the pain I felt when he walked away from me yet again. Even less when the other man was the one taking care of him. I wanted that to be my responsibility, but instead, he ran away from me.

For a moment, he’d sagged in my arms, and for a second, I’d believed Jamie wanted to stay there. That was until he pushed me away.

What was all that, anyway? He seemed afraid… actually, no. It was more than that. He seemed terrorised and, for a moment, broken beyond measure.

I watched him walk away while something inside me screamed to rush to his side and protect him. Only his friend’s bigger body held him up. Seeing that had long-gone memories resurfacing and breaking me.

What happened last night was because of what I did?

Or did something else happen to him?

I made a promise to myself last night, one in which I would not reach out to him anymore, because I’m clearly only making things worse for him. However, his face wouldn’t stop flashing through my mind throughout the night, while I lay awake in my bed reliving in vivid detail what had happened on the dance floor.

Remembering the layer of sweat covering his face and his dilated pupils, his need to run away made impossible by a body unwilling to cooperate. If I hadn’t witnessed those symptoms in so many of the youngsters coming to our foundation, I wouldn’t have recognised them.

However, that’s why I’m here today. My promise didn’t even last twelve hours. The need to see if it was my mind playing games with me forced me out of bed and brought me here.

I didn’t park in front of his place this time, afraid Jamie would see me and ask me to leave again. Instead, I parked a couple of streets away and walked over, making sure to become invisible. I’m hoping the people around will be an excellent cover, so he won’t catch me with my trousers down, so to speak.

I don’t want to talk to Jamie. I mean, I want to but I won’t, because I heard him loud and clear. Last night, I understood, and it finally settled in my soul… He wants nothing to do with me.

Hearing his broken voice mumbling incessantly,“Please, please, please.”

Fuck, that’s what nightmares are made of.

I’m not even sure he was aware of it because when he faced me—and I liked it more than I should—there was nothing pleading in his attitude. He was standing strong and tall, pushing down the fear I could easily see.

He stops, and I stop with him, far enough away not to be spotted.

I’m a stalker.

I admit to that.

Am I ashamed?Yes. A thousand times,yes. But… I needed to check on him, to see if he was better today, to see he wasn’t as broken as I believed yesterday.

I needed to be here today for my sanity so I could stop drowning in guilt.

I’ve followed him from his house to the park and now to his usual coffee shop. I watch him while he orders his drink and then chats away with Andy. Jealousy has become my friend. But what rights do I have over him?None. Yes, my brain is always a friend I can count on.

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