Page 137 of Capri

I feel the pain in her words. The betrayal of someone she trusted.

“Vivian and I were friends throughout our childhood, and for her to betray me like that felt like a death. One I soon got over, but I’d never felt more foolish. God, Jones, the number of dinners we had at our house that she came to. I had no idea, sitting there looking like a fool. That’s why coming out of my marriage, I had caution signs galore. I never wanted to be blindsided like that again.”

“Why stay with him then? If you knew he didn’t really love you.”

She ponders my question before answering, “I felt stuck. Drew was all I ever knew in my adult life, and then add in losing Stevie, I felt tied to him in a way. Like Stevie would be hurt to know I left his dad. I don’t know. I know now it was my mind just struggling to come to terms with where my marriage was. I knew I would be disappointing a lot of people.”

“Do you still feel like that now? The worry of hurting people even if it’s for something that makes you happy?”

Capri doesn’t hesitate. “Not one bit. It took meeting you to see that for myself. That was the first time in my life I went outside of my plan. I’d say it worked out for me in the end.”

I understand where she’s coming from. It took me until recently to realize I didn’t need my father’s approval to make something of myself, and that includes owing him anything.

“So, seeing Vivian at Paloma triggered you,” I say, everything making better sense.

Capri nods. “I couldn’t think straight.” She exhales slowly. “Pretty sure I didn’t breathe until her arm was off of you. It was a toxic spiral that I let myself be a victim to, and I’m so terribly sorry it was directed at you. Never once have you made me feel less than adored, Jones. I mean that. You’ve been nothing but good to me and vocal about how you felt. I was feeling the same, which was why I shocked myself with my reaction.”

I nod, understanding her more and more. “I forgive you. I’ll always forgive you. But I will say, I hate that you didn’t just talk to me. I deserved that.”

“I agree completely. I know I was self-sabotaging. It’s like I went into fight or flight mode and couldn’t see past the possibility of you hurting me or worse, leaving me too.”

Silence stretches between us. I know what needs to be addressed now and it makes me want to fucking puke.

“About what you said,” I say before she stops me.

Capri’s glassy eyes tell so much of her story, and part of that story now is what she and I have been through together. Our time together and apart.

She takes my hand into her lap and cups it in her palms before pulling it to her chest. “I’m sorry. From the bottom of my heart, I am so sorry.” Fuck, my chest feels like it’s caving in. “I lashed out at you, and you’re the last person who deserved it. I know how much and how well you love your mother; I’ve seen it firsthand. I said it to hurt you because I was hurting. I can admit that. Not proudly, but it’s true. Just know how horrible I feel. I’ve been killing myself over my words, and I know sorry doesn’t fix anything, but it would mean everything to me if you’d accept my apology.”

Sweet girl.

Just like me, Capri has been through the thick of it. Navigating life alone the same way I have.

I believe that’s why we mesh so well together. We’re perfectly imperfect. The last thing I want is a woman who never makes mistakes. I want a woman who will fuck up more times than not but be willing to make it right and grow from it.

I strive to do the same for myself.

“That’s all I needed to hear for you to have my forgiveness,” I tell her, watching as she takes a breath of relief. “If I had known who the nurse was to you, I would have immediately requested a change. I just need you to talk to me, Capri. It can’t be one-sided where I have to constantly guess what you’re thinking. I need communication. That’s why I said being with someone who supports me is so important. I’ve gone most of my life without support and I don’t want to do it alone anymore.”

Tears fill her eyes, and my heart continues to beat out of my chest. “I can relate to that,” she whispers, and her eyes drop before confidently rising to meet mine. “I’ve done a lot of thinking these past two months, and I’ve realized I don’t think I ever really dealt with Vivian’s betrayal. I’ve moved on from Drew, but losing my best friend may have hurt worse. I can see how much I’ve internalized that hurt, and I decided I’m going to get some help. See a therapist. I think it’ll help me.”

There she is.There’s the resilient woman I love.

I pull her into my chest and place a firm kiss on her head. “I’m so proud of you. It takes a strong woman to seek help. Just know you have my full support for whatever you need.”

I see the wheels spinning in her head and I can tell what she wants to ask. “You wanna know what I was talking to Vivian about, don’t you?”

She nods. “If it’s too soon, I get it. I don’t want you to share with me if you aren’t ready.”

I shake my head. “Communication, right?” She nods, and I continue, “I’ve been working to get my mother’s care improved so that she can be transferred to Capri. I’ve been meeting with the doctors and her caregivers to make sure she’s ready. I’d never want to take her out of her safe environment, but I’m beginning to think she feels the safest around family. Around us…”

“Us?” Capri asks, with what I’m hoping to be happiness filling her eyes.

I nod. “I know it’s asking a lot for you to move here, but?—”

“Yes!” she shouts and I chuckle.

“I didn’t get to finish.” I tap her nose.

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