Page 134 of Family Bonds- Garrett & Justine

“Maybe I need to,” he said, throwing the towel down that he’d picked up to dry his hands. He hadn’t realized it was still a crutch he was twisting in his frustration. “Maybe what I’ve needed to do in my life was take a stand and say how I really felt and not always try to be the one holding it in. You’re the one who told me that, right?”

“I did,” she said.

“And yet you’re acting as if you don’t know me because I’m doing it. This goes back to having a no-win situation with you.”

“Don’t throw that in my face!” she yelled. “I thought we got past that. This is more about you only giving me so many facts again.”

He thought so too.

“You want to know what happened with Taylor. I’m going to tell you. We dated for about a year. She didn’t like the time I put into my job. You’re right there. It’s her and others. I’ve told you I’ve had relationships like that. You admitted that you did too. Right?”

“Yes,” she said. “But this seems different. You said she hurt you, so I’m going to say it was serious. That you were in love. Could be you saw a future with her too.”

“Did I love her? I thought I did,” he said, throwing his hands in the air. “But when you love someone they are there for you and she never was once. She saw the family name and thought she could tolerate it all for a chance at that. But she couldn’t. It wasn’t even the amount of time at my job, it was the mental toll it took on me. She left me when Linda died. Linda was the second of the three people I lost in a short period of time.”

Justine stopped pacing around the living room and stared at him. “The one you thought was like your mother?”

“Yes,” he said. “She knew I was upset over that one and that I was dealing with Zach at the same time. He was a new patient, things were tricky, and we were all trying to figure it out. I had a lot on my plate and she wasn’t there for me. I’d come home and need a bit of space and she’d be all about her day and her life and what we were going to do on the weekend. She never let me talk about how upsetting it was for me. She didn’t want to hear a word about my job. Not that I’d give her specifics, but she didn’t want to knowanything. ‘It’s too depressing,’ she’d say. ‘Leave me out of it.’”

“Bitch,” Justine said.

“She was one. I saw it later on. Everything I was dealing with at work and I came home to that. We didn’t live together, but she wanted to. I kept telling myself I wasn’t ready to have her in the house. So yeah, I was the one making that decision and not letting her have much say in it. My house, my choice. I needed the space.”

“You want more time with me though,” she said.

“That’s right,” he said. “I’ve brought it up but not pushed. I’m not holding that back from you. I’m lettingyoumake decisions, not me.”

“Are you doing that because things didn’t work with Taylor when you were controlling that decision?” she asked.

He picked up a cup and threw it into the sink causing it to shatter. “Justine. I can’t win with you. With anyone. Do you not see what is going on? What is being said by you and her? I don’t do things calculated like everyone thinks I do. I don’t sit back and say, hey, maybe I need to treat this relationship differently because the last one didn’t work. I look at you and I look at us and I do what I think is right for us! I’ve messed up twice already and now it looks like I’m doing it again. I should have told you more when it came up and I didn’t. It was the wrong decision on my end.”

She stepped back from him once he’d thrown the cup.

He’d never lost his cool before.

Not once in his life had he done something like that even though he’d always wanted to let it out.

In the past, he’d go in the shower or play the music loud. He’d scream or shout when no one could hear him.

He was too worked up to understand the meaning right now.

That this just meant more than anything else in his life.

She meant more.

Saying it now wouldn’t make a difference.

She wasn’t ready to hear it.

“I just don’t know why you couldn’t tell me about her. I told you I would have mentioned anyone who was meaningful in my life if it came up. When you were talking about the three people who’d died, you had more than enough opportunity to say you were with someone and she left you because she couldn’t handle it at that time. Or that it was just one more thing that happened and you were burning out and needed to move. It’s all about our journeys here, but you never once let on that there was a significant other in your life in the past year, let alone one that hurt you that much. Who could have contributed to your move to the island with everything else.”

She turned and picked up her jacket and purse.

“Where are you going? We need to talk about this.”

“You know what?” she said. “I’m the one that needs space. I’m wrong for leaving and I’ll admit it, but I don’t care. This is huge to me and I need to think some more and you need to calm the hell down yourself. I opened up when it’s in my nature to close down, and you didn’t always do the same.”

The minute Justine was out the door he’d done something he’d never done in his life. He punched a wall and then swore a streak loud enough that he was positive half the island heard.

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