Page 57 of Beachside Kisses With My Best Friend

My fear of scarring him for life. (They reminded me that he’s a kid, he’s resilient, and to just think of what will happen if Idogive this a chance and wedoend up together and he’s permanentlymykid—something I cannot even allow myself to think about, because how can I ever come down from that hope?)

And, of course, they go absolutely bonkers—April even standing up and pumping her fists with a silly little dance—when I tell them about sleeping in the same bed, about the chocolate incident, and finally about how he invited me to preview the tent glamping site with him this weekend.

“You’re going, of course?” Elisse says matter-of-factly.

“Well…”

“You’re not going?” Lucy squeaks.

“I’m notnotgoing…”

“Ah. You haven’t answered him yet.” That’s Chloe, always the wise one.

“That’s okay, Mare,” Kelsey says, giving me a one-armed hug. “This is all a big decision. You don’t have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable.”

“Oh, I’m sure he didn’t mean we had to stay in the same tent or anything.”

“So, what’s the holdup then?” Elisse crosses her legs and leans in tighter, ignoring the glares Mohawk Man keeps shooting her way.

“I just…” I blow out a breath, trying to quiet the noise in my brain, to tune out the noise in the room, the noise of everyone’s expectations. “I just don’t want to make another mistake, like I did with Donny.”

Their eyes all shutter with sudden sympathy. “Aw, Mare.” Lucy grabs my knee, giving it an affectionate shake. “This is completely different. Jordan is different.”

“I know that. But I’m not different.”

“Except you are. You’re stronger with him by your side. An even better version of the incredible woman you already are. And that’s because he loves you the way you deserve to be loved.”

“I don’t understand why he would.” And that’s the truth of it. “He should be with someone like Amy Montrose. Someone who’s young and unencumbered. Someone who can give him…” I glance at Lucy, at her stomach. She licks her lips as her eyes fill with tears, and she grips my hand. “Who can give him what I can’t.”

The others squint at me, probably confused, but this isn’t the moment when I want to go into all that I’ve lost.

April shakes her head. “Thing is, Mare, the heart wants what it wants. And I think that Jordan’s telling you—that he’s been telling you for a while—that he doesn’t want Amy Montrose or any other woman you might deem perfect for him. He wants you. The question is simple: Do you want him?”

“Yes,” I finally allow myself to admit.

The rush of joy that follows is drowned by the fear. But if I’m really stronger with Jordan, if he builds me up instead of tearing me down, then I can face the fear, right? “At least, I think so. But I don’t know what to do about that.”

“My dear, what you need is a proper date.” Grinning, Chloe pulls a notebook and pen from her oversized Gucci purse. “And lucky for you, tomorrow is Valentine’s Day—and I just so happen to excel at planning.”

“We can all help,” Kelsey says. “If you want our help.”

“I do.” I straighten, breathing in the stale bowling alley air. “Thank you, friends, for helping me to be brave.”

“Thank you for letting us help you.” April smiles through her clear exhaustion. “It’s a privilege. You deserve happiness more than anyone else I know, Marilee.”

“She’s right.” Elisse rubs her hands together. “And we’re going to help plan the best Valentine’s Day you and that fake husband of yours have ever seen.”

“Maybe”—Chloe winks—“one so good that he won’t be yourfakehusband for long.”

The thought scares me to death, like the loop on a roller coaster I don’t see coming. But I’m as ready as I’m going to be, and maybe it’s time to just let go. To lift my arms into the air and enjoy the ride.

“Okay, then. Let’s do it.”

Come what may.

seventeen

JORDAN

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