Page 44 of Beachside Kisses With My Best Friend

Her head swivels toward me quick. “What?” April blinks like she’s surprised. Then, “No.”

The kids’ laughter and an airplane flying overhead fill in the cracks of silence between us.

There I go, overstepping again. Seems to be my lot in life lately. “I’m sorry, April. I shouldn’t have asked.”

She sighs and puts her plate on the table, turning to face me. “It’s okay. I just…I don’t really talk about him.”

“I shouldn’t have been nosy.” I press my lips together. “But I know how hard it is to suffer in silence, and I want you to know…I’m here if you ever want to talk.”

“Thanks, Mare.” Her slacks expose her ankles as she pulls her legs up and hugs them to her chest. “I haven’t spoken to him since before Scarlett was born. So no, my trip had nothing to do with him.”

“Was he a jerk when he found out about Scarlett?” My blood runs hot at the idea that someone wouldn’t want to know the precious, spunky girl playing in the yard in front of me.

“No,” she says, biting her lower lip. “He just…wasn’t in a place to be a dad.” There’s something in the way she says it that tells me I’m not getting the whole story. That she’s holding back some very crucial information. But that’s okay. I feel honored she’s sharing even this much.

“I’m sorry.” I wait a beat before asking, “Do you still love him?” Maybe that’s why I’ve never seen her so much as look at a guy with more than appreciation for his outward appearance.

“I didn’t say that.” April straightens, sets her legs back on the ground. “Let’s just say that fiction is better than reality sometimes.”

I reach out, waiting until she grabs my hand. I squeeze before releasing her hold. “Sometimes, I’d say you’re right.”

She eyes me. “But sometimes…maybe it’s the same. Or even better than fiction.”

“What do you mean?”

“Your case might be the exception.”

My nose scrunches. “I’d hardly call my life a fairy tale.”

“Maybe not your life with Donny. But you and Jordan…”

“Are just friends.” I say it with finality—determined to believe every word.

“Girl, I’m not blind. I saw that kiss.”

“You and the whole town,” I mutter under my breath, taking a sip of the coffee. I blanch at its bitterness. Did I forget to add sugar? “We did it for Constance’s sake. You should have heard what she was saying to him.”

“Mmm hmm. I know that’s what you’re telling yourself. I’m on that text thread with the girls, remember? I’ve heard your protests loud and clear.” April waggles her eyebrows, which lift up under her wispy bangs. “But sometimes I wonder if you are lying to yourself. Let me ask you this—what did you feel when you kissed him?”

“Nothing.”

“I say this with all the love in my heart, dear, sweet, Marilee. That’s a bald-faced lie.”

“No, it’s not.” My breath leaves my lungs. I squeeze my eyes shut and shake my head. “It can’t be. Because that would mean…”

“That you might have feelings for your best friend? Yep.”

My eyes pop open as my heart pounds out an erratic rhythm. “I can’t, though.”

“And just why not?” April studies me. “Youdeservehappiness.”

“I…I know.” But do I? “But so does he.” And with me, he wouldn’t have it. Not long-term.

“I don’t understand, Mare. You are one of the best people I know. He would besolucky to end up with you.”

My lips tremble, and my eyes burn. “It wouldn’t last.”

Stars make their appearance, dancing diamonds clustered like heavenly necklaces strung in the sky. Sometimes I wonder if Mom and Dad can look down from heaven. If Mom’s cheering me on. If Dad’s still disappointed in me. If they see the mess I’ve made and wonder—or know—if things will ever change in my life.

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